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-   -   How am I still alive? (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=195339)

mrzyphl 10-19-19 09:29 AM

How am I still alive?
 
I've come to within an inch of death by accident 3 times in my life
but that's not what this is about.
I can't believe I'm almost 59! It seems like yesterday I turned 40 and vowed I would start eating healthy and get fit.
I was only 15lbs overweight then now I'm almost 80lbs over. I'm practically a couch potato. The only
exercise I get is carrying my groceries. I've smoked almost a pack a day for
40 years (except for 1year 25 years ago). I drink 3 glasses of wine or 3
bottles of beer everyday except for a couple days a month. My diet is 70%
meat, 20% pasta, rice, bread and dairy, 10% vegetables. I'm a walking
heart attack waiting to happen. I could do without the drinking but I get
too much pleasure from smoking to quit and from eating to change my diet.
I figure I've got anywhere between 2 minutes or 10 years max if I don't do
something about it.
They say that people with ADD generally don't live as long as the average person. Are there actual statistics on this?

Woohoo! I typed all this and I'm still alive.:yes:

Lunacie 10-19-19 12:43 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
Yep. There are actual statistics. They are talking about untreated adhd.
Of course adhd makes treatment difficult. I think this link is okay.
https://www.businesswire.com/news/ho...0108006061/en/

mrzyphl 10-19-19 01:16 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
Thanks, Lunacie. That study lines up with what I said. I fully expect to last
13 years less than the national average. I wish I could get some kind of
treatment. My doctor isn't any help. I think he pretends ADD is a real thing
just to humor me.

Does anyone else here struggle with self care issues? Has treatment helped?

Daniel1970 10-19-19 01:31 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
"I could do without the drinking but I get
too much pleasure from smoking to quit and from eating to change my diet."

Sounds like you've done a cost/benefit analysis on some level and decided you enjoy the way you live and the pleasure it gives you, and that outweighs the extra years you'd get by changing anything. I would stop beating yourself up about it and enjoy the time you have. Doesn't seem to have anything to do with ADHD.

If you do want to change things and you feel the lack of focus/discipline you are experiencing is due to untreated ADHD, the first step would be to find a doctor who specializes in ADHD and believes it's a real thing.

All the best,
Daniel

mrzyphl 10-19-19 08:21 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
You're right Daniel. But I think I eat, drink, smoke and veg just to cope. I live in Canada. I'm lucky to have a doctor at all.

midnightstar 10-20-19 07:24 AM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
I agree with Daniel, enjoy whatever time you have :grouphug:

SashaBV 10-20-19 09:40 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
DH used to think that. But over the decades, the whole thing snowballed into pure and absolute misery because of his nasty smoking addiction. He wasn't really enjoying his life. So he tried...again and again. It was too late to avoid the consequences, yet he quit. By then he already had COPD. So why quit then? He could hardly sleep at night. He could barely even walk. Hacking coughing, repeated Bronchitis, even pneumonia. You really think a person just conveniently dies before it gets to the point of misery? It happened to him. It could still kill him someday, but he is still better off not smoking.

Daniel1970 10-21-19 10:51 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mrzyphl (Post 2021124)
You're right Daniel. But I think I eat, drink, smoke and veg just to cope. I live in Canada. I'm lucky to have a doctor at all.

What are you coping with? It sounds like you are eating, drinking, smoking, and vegging to cope with eating, drinking, smoking, and vegging.

Sounds like you have a shadow that is causing you to look for sympathy and advice as a victim while you are dealing with something completely unexamined.

Go on YouTube and look up some videos on the shadow, integrating your shadow, etc. Jungian shadow work. Check out some Jordan Peterson videos. He's Canadian too, and he's a psychoanalyst who's all about getting off your *** and not making excuses. It's something I'm looking into for my own reasons, and I have a hunch that it might help you as well.

D.

20thcenturyfox 10-22-19 01:52 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mrzyphl (Post 2021116)
....Does anyone else here struggle with self care issues? Has treatment helped?

I've asked myself the same question--not recently, but I can still remember wondering how anyone could be so inactive and useless for so long and still be alive. Even more so, how could I still not be diabetic? It is amazing and wonderful to me that I did not completely ruin my health during that long night.

I thought your next 2 questions were very important. In my case I struggled and googled "self-care" endlessly and fruitlessly for a long time. Suggestions like eating a chocolate or going shopping always struck me as dangerously counterproductive.

Somehow I hit on self-compassion. For me, the road back to health and stability has been long, but self-compassion has been the golden thread that has kept me moving (however slowly) and on-track (however loosely).

Becoming an understanding and empathetic friend to myself required almost constant re-thinking and reframing of all my self talk and ideas about motivation. Strangest of all, allowing myself to make excuses, and feel sorry for myself, was actually the beginning of a new type of motivation I am still exploring.

I don't know if this will be helpful, but here is a thought exercise. If you suddenly found yourself the sole caregiver for a grossly obese and lethargic baby, addicted to nicotine, what attitudes and behaviours would you adopt toward the infant?

Would you be harshly judgemental and dismissive about the child's prospects? Would you continue to indulge him and give in to his demands? Or would you be moved and saddened by his plight, and determined to give him a better chance at life

Wouldn't you first consider how to make the transition to a healthier, more sustainable life as untraumatic as possible? What would you tackle first, and how would you try to compensate, console and distract the baby from the unavoidable sense of deprivation? Wouldn't you want to cut him some slack when he runs into the occasional setback?

Are you not like that baby? You too have probably been through a lot. You too may be desperately in need of some wise and loving discipline to wean your unhealthy attachments and lead (or nudge, or kick!) yourself toward different and healthier pleasures?

I could talk about the self-care routines I have today, but none of it would not have made any sense to me back then, before I learned about--and started practicing--self-compassion.

Does this sound like something worth looking into?

Kunga Dorji 10-22-19 08:03 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mrzyphl (Post 2021116)
Thanks, Lunacie. That study lines up with what I said. I fully expect to last
13 years less than the national average. I wish I could get some kind of
treatment. My doctor isn't any help. I think he pretends ADD is a real thing
just to humor me.

Does anyone else here struggle with self care issues? Has treatment helped?

Living to your late 80s is overrated anyhow.

Kunga Dorji 10-22-19 10:41 PM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel1970 (Post 2021171)
What are you coping with? It sounds like you are eating, drinking, smoking, and vegging to cope with eating, drinking, smoking, and vegging.

Sounds like you have a shadow that is causing you to look for sympathy and advice as a victim while you are dealing with something completely unexamined.

Go on YouTube and look up some videos on the shadow, integrating your shadow, etc. Jungian shadow work. Check out some Jordan Peterson videos. He's Canadian too, and he's a psychoanalyst who's all about getting off your *** and not making excuses. It's something I'm looking into for my own reasons, and I have a hunch that it might help you as well.

D.

Actually, he has ADHD.
Ive been through a similar period- while off stimulants for the past year. Id had a stressful period with a hospital admission for my bipolar and all sorts of ugliness, and had ground to a halt. I kept making attempts to go to the gym, lose weight, cut down on alcohol.

Actually I felt terrible- nauseous, lightheaded, achey, clumsy, having difficulty bending and twisting, due to my spinal problems. I made multiple attempts to dig out of this ditch. I wasn't depressed, but often depressed people feel like that. I kept injuring myself at the gym. Everything was just a grey fog. My thinking and my movement were slow and clumsyI was making my partner mad, and I had reached the end of my tether for reruns of Matlock and Jake and the Fatman.

Now there is evidence that dysfunction in the autonomic nervous system (which diverts blood flow around your body to prepare for action, or the change of posture to upright or sitting) causes many of the symptoms in ADHD.

I had a think about this and decided that I needed to be back on stimulants even at the (unlikely) risk of causing a bipolar flare.

Ive started on a low dose of 10 mg dexamphetamine in the morning. I started 2 days ago and the effect has been immediate.
All of a sudden I see more vividly, my movement has become more coordinated, my thinking is more fluid, and my typing is faster. My posture is better.
Things are working properly.

So the problem was simple-- poor blood flow to the brain caused by dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system causing the mechanism for getting blood to my brain when upright.
No wonder I felt dull. No wonder I preferred to lie down. No wonder I was getting fatter. No wonder I could practically recite the daytime TV. :)


Now from the reading I have been doing this is a standout cause of symptoms in ADHD- both hyperactive and inattentive.
It explains a bunch of really odd things-- like the fact that my heart rate usually drops while my cold fingers improve, after having my dex. At the same time other symptoms of an overly parasympathetic nature like gut discomfort- also improved.

These issues that we are complaining of actually have nothing to do with "complexes" or "shadows" or "inner victims".
Those things are the preserve of the physiologically normal--- but we have no need of them, because we have a real live physiological disorder. We do not have to come down on ourselves because we are lazy or morally corrupt. (This was one of the big realizations for me when I was diagnosed with ADHD a decade ago). Im not lazy. I hate being overweight- it is uncomfortable and ruins your attractiveness.

Ive had to retire from my job as a doctor because of my health, recently. However I have been studying this area closely. It makes sense, it matches what I have seen in myself and in others.
Unfortunately few doctors know about it- so they dont have the luxury of being able to tweak medications with this knowledge in mind.

This discussion by a specialist American osteopath highlights this autonomic issue. Im finding more evidence too, as time goes on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxjSYRWrJB8

sarahsweets 10-26-19 02:41 AM

Re: How am I still alive?
 
I say start therapy, see a doc to treat the adhd. Once that happens pick one unhealthy thing to work on. I was up to 300lbs in '08 but had the BPII and ADHD managed. I chose weight loss surgery and it saved my life. I have to follow a plan because it is a tool but losing the weight turned me into an active engaged person. I got sober almost 8 years ago so no alcohol. Now Im trying to work on the smoking.....


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