I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

Like many other people with ADHD I have a problem with temper. However, I get really confused when I watch a video like this with Russell Barkley. According to him it would seem as if EVERY single person with ADHD have social problems? I AM a very tempered person within the family but the only one who sees my temper is my husband. I am VERY tolerant towards my surroundings and I have always been told that I am TOO nice and that I shouldn´t accept everything. I have learned to be more straight forward towards my surroundings but to me it seems as if that would be impossible if you ask Russell Barkley? I do think that the man generelly have a lot of points but when he describes ADHD I don't think he is very nuanced - and often I can't even recognize myself in what he describes.:(

Why is he so black/white? Or is it only me who think that? Does anyone have a video of Russell where he explains the diversity in which the ADHD symptoms can be expressed?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcwp9T3zNcM

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I wonder if there is one presentation where a scientist doesn't say some stupid little joke.

I think Russell describes the worst of the worse symptoms in ADHD, and he's talking about children. Children aren't as capable of controlling emotions or working out ways to diminish some of the issues they're having. Some might not even be aware that they're causing so much trouble.

I'm nice too but I do get impatient and irritable with people. There exist only two people in the world that haven't ****** me off yet. So yeah I have a problem with handling my emotions and with tolerating people.

A lot of doctors can be black and white when describing symptoms too. Obviously not everyone is going to be that way and they experience symptoms in different degrees to the next person.

Thanks for the video. I'm interested in finding out more about ODD. Sounds like me, sigh.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I think what frustrates me most is not that he doesn't acknowledge that it is possible to control anger. I didn't have many conflicts as a child - only with my parents. But people considered me as the nice and quiet girl. Only in my teens I started to isolate myself and first later I really started to get these outburts of anger. I know a lot of people with ADHD that are like that. I guess it is because it makes my insecure on my identity. I can't explain it so well in English :(

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

Inattentive type? Such things as emotions are hard to control in hyperactive/impulsive type. I'm combined and sometimes I get so sick of my lack of control over my outbursts that I want to do away with emotions. And well I have but that usually takes a severe mental collapse or when turning off from people.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I guess I am the inattentive type but in Denmark you don't distunguish so much between the types - I think. I also have problems with my temper, but mostly when I am stressed. There are periods where I am much more calm and I DO think about the consequenses towards my children for instance. I DON'T want to yell at them and I am quite patient towards them.

But I can also read books and concentrate about a lot of things. It is mostly my thoughts, emotions and lack of motivation that control my life in a negative way. I just wish I could recognize myself more in the different describtions - especially when I tell people about my diagnosis. I really liked Sari Solden's book: "Women with ADHD" but Russell Barkley never tells about that kind of symptoms and I don´t know his opinion about that book. According to him there is not much difference between women and men with ADHD.

I feel so stigmaticed when I listen to Barkley :( And it annoys me that he is the one who is supposed to know most about that diagnosis?

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

When Barkley talks about ADHD symptoms, from my understanding he is talking about "untreated" symptoms.. So, no drugs, no cognitive behaviour therapy, no developing of good/positive coping mechanisms.

If the symptoms are coming out with the people closest to you (i.e your husband) then maybe you are coping with your symptoms by partially keeping distance from others? You said you isolated yourself when you were younger for example.

I am curious regarding the "Women with ADHD" book that you refer to, is there another thread on here with a discussion on that book to get an idea of it?

I think even the title of this thread where you say "it frustrates me" sort of re-enforces what Barkley says. What I would be curious is for you to show this video to your husband or to other close friends and see if they can see what Barkley says as being related to you. People with ADHD in general have an issue with "self-observation" so maybe an outside view on this would help too.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

Thank you for your respond.

I don´t know if there is a discussion about the book but I was guessing that many people have read it or heard about it :)

I know that I easily get emotional or upset, and that I also HAVE had social problems meaning that I was very shy as a child. But long before I got my diagnosis I managed to get a lot of friends and many people are seeking my company or contact me if they have problems. Therefore it is difficult to see myself as a person with severe social problems.

Furthermore I don't think I have issues with self-observation - I really do think that I know myself pretty good. My husband agrees with me about this.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

From what I have read, it sounds like the issue is more keeping friends and developing long term connections....

At younger ages maybe your peers are more forgiving but when you are getting older maybe other people would see an ADHD symptom as a "need to grow up" and unless they know the reason why you behave a certain way may be quick to dismiss you.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

Nothing against Barkley but does he have ADHD? I don't know.I still have a little resentment towards the guy after watching his video about accountability. I feel like I work my tail off to hold things together for my wife and I.I really believe for someone who grew up constantly being told they were either partially retarded or worthless I've done a damn good job. I make mistakes. I try to learn from them but I also was reminded last night of how incorrigible I am which I will agree with.I don't need to grow up people need to get a sense of humor and stop talking themselves so damn seriously

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I find this slightly offensive.

I DO have anger and temper problems, I always have. But I would never explode at someone in a professional setting. Even if it is held in and comes out when I'm home (it does :umm1:) That is not the reason I did not have friends in elementary/middle school. People were disgusted by my disorganization, my depression (co-morbid) and my inability to sustain a conversation/task.

It had nothing to do with my anger.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I haven't watched the video yet so forgive me please if I'm talking besides the point. In general, I think, when Barkley says these things he is talking about the majority of ADHDers and the symptoms that you are more likely to find in ADHD rather than in the general population. ADHD is a spectrum disorder and there are rather large differences.

But I guess that people with ADHD do largely seem to have problem with controlling their emotions and that can often manifest itself as temper problems.

Also, if I understand him correctly, his theories don't really include ADHD PI or SCT since he believes that they might be a completely different group. (I could be wrong though.)

Lol, good point. Emotional regulation problems and even a quick temper can present themselves in different ways. I'm usually told by others that I'm too soft and a pushover but people who know me really well like my husband think that I'm passively aggressive, very irritable and very impatient. I agree with my husband. I actually do have a bit of a temper but I just don't show it easily.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

It could be that your life as a child wasn't very frustrating and anger-causing.
I don't remember being really angry as a child, but I do remember how my mother
was always telling me to control my temper. She didn't seem to understand that
I didn't know how to do that, I didn't have the skills to do that.

If someone doesn't have issues with emotional regulation, I would wonder if ADHD
was actually the right diagnosis. Maybe Dr. Barkley is right that ADHD-PI and SCT
are very different disorders from ADHD-H or ADHD-C.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I probably had lets frustrations as a child, but I also felt anger - but with me it became worse with age and was worst around the age of 20.

I think the problem with Barkley - in my eyes - is that he gives a way too non-nuanced (what is the right word?) picture of the diagnosis. He gives the impression that we are all headless people who don't think about any consequences at all. He always gives this strange excample about fast driving. Me myself is a very careful driver and I am always afraid to hurt anyone. I also don't like to drive with people if they are not very careful.

I do have a huge temper in certain situations, but I CAN control it when I am out. At home it is more difficult, but I am very patient with my children and I don't wan't to shout at them. I know how damaging that would be for them. Often the anger is not about that I don't think about the consequences the problem is that it is just to powerful and overwelming to control so when I am furious my big challenge is how to create less damage around me. I DO think about the consequences and I also feel very sorry about my outbursts.

Barkley may know a whole lot about psychiatry, but in my opinion he lacks some knowlegde within psychology. I think he underrestimate people with ADHD and that they can easily have a great sense of responsibility. It is not our values that we struggle with. But if you are already a person without a consciense then ADHD won't make anything better of course.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

what everyone needs to remember, before getting offended by this video, is the thing he says at the very end "this is just one slide, I have 85" he probably goes into much greater detail


this is the first I have heard about ODD :( I have almost all those symptoms, its kinda depressing.

Re: I don't get it - and it frustrates me
 

I am very social but I have to have had a few drinks or be in a super hyper mood, otherwise I feel really awkward and dont know what to say.. I guess this is why I drink a lot :p
People don't believe me when I tell them this, they only see the crazy happy person