Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

So I have a lot of issues similar to other folks here. And life is hard sometimes. And I understand that there are apparently neurological underpinnings to ADHD.

Please know I'm not asking this to be a jerk.

But I can't help wonder if I might not be better off with an attitude of "suck it up and just overcome it like a man". I mean, that's what people did before ADHD was discovered. And everyone has life challenges. Is all this ADHD discussion maybe just a bit too self-focused instead on being an attitude of man up?

I'm not really speaking about anyone else here who may have found help, and I feel it does help to hear about other's struggles and lessons learned. And meds seem to really help many others as well. But as I'm trying to get perpective for myself about this ADD thing, it just seems like a question that needs to be asked.

Does this make sense? Are we using ADD to focus on the wrong things, distracting ourselves from the real challenges of life? Has anyone else asked themselves similar things on their own road to discovery?

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

Are you sure that's what people did? Not everybody lives up to their potential. Maybe all those undiagnosed people simply underachieved their whole lives.

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

Yeah, I'm fairly sure my grandfather had ADHD, and he was loony tunes. An underachiever for sure, and his coping mechanisms were pretty damaging to his family.

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

Hi

Yes and no.

Yes, sometimes i use it as an excuse

No, just sucking it up wont work. You at least have to understand your limitations and why you do sometimes differently than others. If you deny your adhd, the strategies you use, will often target your adhd.

If you understand what idls nstural and what isnt, you can succeed by ADAPTING.

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

I've thought about the same things, and I usually think this way when I'm wrongly comparing myself to someone else. I've done the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" mentality. I went many years without seeking psychiatric help.

It took me ten years to obtain my bachelor's degree. It took me six years to obtain my Associates degree. I was divorced after four years of marriage. I barely finished high school.

I didn't know I had ADD then and look at what it did to my life.

I cannot just suck up something when I'm able to pay attention for about three seconds before my attention wanes. I've tried the "man up" attitude, but I'm too sensitive to keep that going. ADD has nothing to do with being a man or an adult.

I really understand where you're coming from though. I've battled the same thoughts.

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

I look at it like this, if I rear end someone, whether I meant to or not, I am responsible for the damages, and settling the claim with my insurance. In short, I may not have rear ended the car on purpose but I am responsible for taking care of the damage.

The same with adhd, I may not have meant to say something rude, but I did and I am responsible for putting the other person at ease and making sure they know that I didn't mean anything by it. If I impulsively buy something I'm still responsible for the credit card payments. Adhd is not a "Get out of jail free" card, and it's not an excuse for bad behavior. It just means I have a different way of working around problems because other people don't have the same obstacles that I have, so I'm going to think differently and solve problems in an unorthodox manner. If part of working around those problems means taking some meds to help me out, then it's my responsibility to make sure I'm getting the treatment and care that I need.

However, it is still nice to be able to chat with a group of people that go through the same issues. It makes me feel less alone and it's comforting knowing that other people do the same things I do.

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

i never really think of ADHD as a factor in my life now, i acknowledge its existence in me and how it does affect me in some ways and certain areas, but i dont consistently think or say it about those things.

i havnt used it as an excuse since i was younger, cuz i assumed it was a real thing, but i used it

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

This was my attitude before I was diagnosed, but I failed at that approach, and my attitude became "aww, eff it, why even bother?"

Judging by my response to meds, every single crap part of my life can be attributed to ADHD. I take a really low dose of meds, I don't "let them do the work for me", and yes, life is still hard. But all the big things that I struggle with so much, those are all clearly ADHD. Our challenges really are huge.

Yet I also think it's really important not to fall into yet another "aww eff it" trap. Diagnosis helped me climb out of the rut I was in, but now it's so tempting to just say, "I have it so hard, I'm so different from everyone else, tell me again why I should bother?"

This is one of the reasons I'm always trying to look for the positives in my ADHD. I am able to find a few; it truly is a mixed blessing for me, even though the negatives far outweigh the positives. I know that whatever the thing is that is responsible for my ADHD is also responsible for some of my positive attributes. It's not about denial, it's about being able to realistically assess yourself. I am 100% positive I would not be the same person I am without ADHD, nor would I have my life. Whether that's good or bad, I do not know, but it is.

Learning how to understand yourself, and your challenges and gifts, is a far more useful approach than struggling to "man up" and failing.

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

Well, for the most part I have never been told that i am lazy. Instead I have made careless mistakes, without realizing that I even was doing something.

I forget that I am driving, etc.

The only person that will consistently say I am lazy is my aunts husband (Note: I wont call him an uncle),

He is one of those country people that retired at less than $9.00 an hour (I don't think I have ever made so little)...

I also grew up pretty spoiled. His children obviously were not.

One day, I had to tell pretty much have to tell him that I am not some country boy; my professional life is going to be behind a desk, yours may be cutting a head of a chicken, or working on a car (he wasn't even a mechanic!)...

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

I think it's difficult for any human being ever not to rely on excuses from time to time. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (Ian MacLaren). I think everybody at times is guilty of self-pity and excuse-making. However, I've learned that this just makes me more despondent and the problems are still there. So I try really hard to not feel sorry for myself or make excuses. People have overcome far worse and with better attitudes to boot! (In fact, "inspiring people" stories are great when I'm feeling sorry for myself.)

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

i used to lie about stupid little things when i was a kid.

i dont lie as much now, so much as i dont tell them the whole truth (usually if it's something bad i did and it's my parents asking and whatnot).

ive also been accused of or thought of as lying but in reality i just couldnt remember whatever it was i was being questioned about

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

Well, I'm old school so let me give my perspective. I was first diagnosed in the late sixties as minimal brain dysfunction. Family called it "hyper". At that time people thought of ADHD as a temporary thing that kids grew out of. My family chose no medication and that was probably a good choice. I've spoken with others who were medicated and from accounts they felt like guess new pigs for every new psychiatric drug that came out.

There was no understanding of ADHD in schools and no accommodations. Kids with adhd were kicked out of school routinely for bad behaviour, or encouraged to quit. We were a problem that was solved by culling us from the student body.

Being called lazy, stupid, told you'd never amount to muchl, you should know better, and if you cared, or applied yourself... Etc...

We "sucked it up" as you put it, but the damaged lives, revolving door of psychiatric diagnosis, anxiety, depression, big-polar, or personality disorders were all there was.

I was one of the few that knew I had ADHD and I just thought I must be some freak who didn't grow out of it. There was no using it as an excuse, because it wasn't known in adults, this did not stop the disappointment, the contempt, the moral judgement that you just didn't care. Families, friends, bosses were certainly not understanding.

We were the bums, lowers, etc...

Now, adhd is recognized, there is treatment, and be damned if I'd ever say it's an excuse, it's about time we stood up and aggressively started kicking *** when we are confronted with skepticism. Something along the lines of "ARE YOU STUPID???, who are you to pass you petty moralizing off as some sort of knowledge of how the brain works or to dismiss my struggles by trivializing them as excuses? You can deal with facts or go plow on your flat earth!'.

Or something like that. I'm sick of the bowing and scraping the apologizing and our submissiveness that is some how expected. Screw that! Rawrr.

You have the opportunity to reach out and get treatment, to learn awesome stuff about adhd and strategies.that work. Grab it! It is not an excuse.

ADHD is not a frivolous diagnosis, it is not a benign disorder or a trivial one. ADHD will HURT your life and you will suffer, it is legitimately a disability.

Wakey, Wakey people!

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

jesus CHRIST i posted in the wrong thread again!

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

Aww, stop using your ADHD as an excuse! :rolleyes:

Re: Do you ever wonder if we're just using ADHD as an excuse?
 

It is an excuse, by the way. It's not an excuse in the context I believe you're using it in. Nor is it the same as folks, who don't have the disorder, use it. It's a legitimate mental health disorder backed by the American Medical Association, and American Pediatric Association.

It's a reason, a justification, something to describe abnormal behavior. Does it mean we get off the hook? Absolutely not. However, it's a legitimate reason to describe a host of symptoms.