Venting
 

Hi guys, I don't post here very often. I wrote a letter just to vent, thought I'd share it. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, but if you can relate and/or want to comment, feel free to do it :)

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Okay folks, hear me out. To all of you who doubt my intentions and don't take me seriously, I've got something to tell you.

First of all, who the are you to judge me and tell me who I am or not? Do you live with me or have the slightest clue on what it's like in my everyday life or got any idea on what I'm going through? No, you don't.

And if it was that unimportant and non urgent, do you honestly think that I would be sitting here in distress begging for help? If I could fix it on my own, trust me, I would. I'm not the kind of person to share my issues, I'd rather keep it to myself. If I'm here today, it's because I've tried everything and nothing worked. Why don't you get it? Don't come and tell me it's not that bad, that it can't be, that I should try harder or that it's just a part of my personality... it doesn't help me at all! I suggest you walk a mile in my shoes, then you can judge.

Yes, I do well in college. But if you are knowledgeable about the condition, you'd be aware that not all individuals with it struggle at school. Some of them are very brilliant but they are not at their potential or their grades don't reflect it, not 'cause they're stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not playing smartass here, I'm only telling the facts as they are. I'm able to keep up with others, and even outperform them. How? Well... ever heard of coping strategies? I can find ways to compensate although it's getting harder now. I'm holding on because I love school & learning, I possess the will & a good memory and am willing to do the extra efforts. Not without sacrifices though, and at what cost? Btw, that's just an appearance. Never thought that something could be hiding behind it? Like having to spend countless hours on things that wouldn't normally take as long, being constantly frustrated because you don't have enough time, being in the last minute and stressed all the time, feeling like a mess because you fail to manage your time correctly or hating yourself for the mistakes you make? I'm not even stating all of them...

You're probably lazy and trying to cheat your way out... you'd say. Who are you again, to claim that? Everything that I've accomplished, I worked for it. People who know me know that I'm a perfectionist and that I always give my 100%. When I want something, I keep trying 'till I get it. In my studies as in everything I enrol in, I invest myself in it. Don't you dare to say otherwise.

What if you were faking it just to get the meds? Really? Please, money isn't a problem. If I wanted to get the drugs I would of have a long time ago. Getting a hold of them illegally would have been a piece of cake. But that's not what I'm doing or planning to do, it's not right. Transgressing the law is not in my values.

Anyways, I'm sick and fed up with people not believing me or dismissing what I say. All I wanted was support, a way to change so I could deal with my problems more easily. But I guess you don't give a c***. That's fine, I'll manage to get what I need and deserve... with or without your help. You know, I trusted you. And I realize I shouldn't have. When I asked for help, I was convinced that we are not convicted to lead miserable lives. There's hope out there, success stories that inspire us and remind us that we can make it regardless of how tough life can be... that ADD/ADHD didn't have to stop us from doing something we truly dream of, even if it meant working harder. And I still am. If you won't be that person who assist me in getting better and reaching my goals, then it'll be someone else. Simple as that. You won't be missed. Oh and I almost forgot, thanks for wasting my time and making me feel like a joke.

Re: Venting
 

Good letter. Tell anyone who questions your diagnosis to f**k off.

Re: Venting
 

It sounds like you are pretty angry, aggression isn't generally the best way to get people to understand your perspective, i have learnt this the hard way, please don't take this the wrong way but do you have or have you been tested for autism?

Re: Venting
 

Yes I was pretty mad, but I'm okay now :) I didn't intend to send the letter or anything, writting is just a way for me to express my feelings. I'm just tired with all the things that are going on and not being able to get the help that I need. Don't worry, I'm not offended by the question. No, I was never tested for autism. I'm curious to know what makes you think I should consider autism?

Re: Venting
 

Was just an impression i got, i have a friend who was diagnosed with aspergers. I obviously do not know you or your history or situation, was just wondering... would write more but i keep burning food and getting distracted!

Re: Venting
 

I don't know anyone who has asperger, but two friends of mine are high-functionning autistic. It seems like we don't share the same issues. I might be weird at times :D, but after reading the symptoms there are some things I just couldn't relate to at all. But I mean, maybe I'm wrong. I suspected it in the past though as I mentioned the criteria didn't look like me :scratch: I'll try to bring this up the next time I meet my psychiatrist (her secretary is to call me, it's been more than 2 weeks now lol).

Re: Venting
 

I don't think you're autistic from the letter, just angry.

But I think the key to autism is taking things too literally or guessing at social ques. ADHD people miss cues because they aren't paying attention to them. Autistic people miss them because they don't know how to interpret them.

Doesn't mean you're always rude and say inappropriate things either, I have a friend that's high functioning autistic and she's extra polite and sweet to everyone. It's not a bad thing, but it is off sync somehow, I can't really put my finger on it. Mostly though, she just doesn't understand sarcasm or dry humor, so I have to be make sure she knows I'm joking around. She takes things very literally, which is cute and funny most times.

Or she'll ask for social ques, like I asked if she was sticking around for a party or if she wanted lunch or something she'll just ask "Oh, do you need me to?". I'll just say yes, and she'll stick around and have a good time. I've given up trying to explain that she should stick around only if she wants to a long time ago, because then she can't tell if we're just saying that or if we actually want her to stay.

Re: Venting
 

The explainations and examples you provided made it easier for me to understand it more. I can be naive sometimes, but I generally get the jokes, sarcasm or irony that people are using, as well as non verbal language.

You and your friend seem to get along with each other, that's good :) I've known all kinds of people and I try to look past their differences and keep in mind their condition doesn't define them! I guess it's just about adapting the way you interact as you said, though with time it becomes second nature, right?

Re: Venting
 

Yeah we get along really well. Mostly we just stick to silly humor when we hang with her.

I get along with people with differences or quirks mostly because I don't notice them. I had a friend that was gay and he had to bluntly tell me after a year of knowing each other despite me always playing with his hair and putting make up on him. I notice that they act a certain way, but it just doesn't ever click that it's abnormal. Once they or someone else points it out it's like a lightbulb moment, but I just don't put two and two together on my own.

Re: Venting
 

Ditto on most of the above...

I'm not much of a speaker myself GoalieMel33, but normally go by this: "Your opinion of me doesn't define who I am!"