the one that got away
 

Anyone obsess about 'the one that got away'? Facebook is terrible about that. I get notifications all the time about her posting pictures so I go and look at them, and then feel sorry for myself. And then hate myself for feeling sorry for myself. Ugh.

Re: the one that got away
 

Delete her from your friends list. out of sight out of mind. Presumably you are not together because it wasn´t working, either for you, her or both. Don´t look back with rose coloured spectacles, don´t look for info on her on fb.

It takes time to get over a relationship, give yourself a little time, mourn and try and move on, see friends, keep busy, take exercise. Love hurts!

Re: the one that got away
 

Do people get a message or anything if you delete them as a friend?

The problem is, she is still a friend kindof. I mean, I'm 35, wife and kid. She's married too - we almost had something once, but that was 15 years ago. She's just kindof that 'one that got away' for lack of a better term.

Still, you're right. I should probably just delete her.

Re: the one that got away
 

sometimes we look to the past and think of all the "what ifs" and missed opportunities. How´s your life at the moment, what´s going on to cause you to look back in this way. Are you bored, depressed, stressed?

She won´t know you have deleted seeing is it was so long ago, I´m not sure that this is going to work, I think maybe you will start focusing on something/one else.

I have wondered for years about an ex, tried to find him for so long on the internet and was shocked to read his obituary. So then I started thinking about someone else that I had never even been out with! I think I am looking for excitement and stimulation.

Re: the one that got away
 

Nope, I just wonder how I spent so much time with the men I did date.

I do obsess a bit about people I don't really know much though, which might be similar. You don't know how things would have worked out with the one that got away and I think we tend to idealise the what-ifs. Like Square said there's a reason it didn't work out.

I wonder if these obsessions mean that we are lacking something in our current relationship? Or is just a source of stimulation?

Re: the one that got away
 

Yeah, it is looking for excitement or stimulation; I mean, it's certainly not logical. She was never interested in me. For a time we were very close but the friend zone can be a bitc#. I guess it's a bit tied up in my resentment of my past and the standard 'what could have been' had I not had add or figured it out early enough.

I guess I envy her life to some degree. I realize that she's got her problems too and all of that, but still it looks like she's doing great and is really happy and I wish I could be part of that.

Re: the one that got away
 

don't let it eat at you LordranBound...bad medicine all together. I had this same exact problem. It ate at me and I found myself often thinking about this person, even dreaming about said person. It wasn't helping me really. I did allow myself to interact and actually really get to know her better and more. Thinking on my own, I realized that we're about as opposite as it can get and ultimately would result in being incompatible. We are "friends" to say the least, but not like friends where I would go hang out with. I did hang out with here on a couple occasions by myself several years ago. Man I coulda have made a really bad decision and was almost tempted too, but I have morals and commitments to keep. but yeah...bad medicine. Don't make things worse than they are (if it applies), and keep a friendly distance.

Re: the one that got away
 

Don't throw what you have away over a "What if". try and find ways to build something new and exciting into your current relationship. for instance the wifeand I are going away for the weekend on a motorbike rally. A first for us. For years I thought about my frist love then I realised it was standing in the way of my current relationship. Forget her

Re: the one that got away
 

A very good friend of mine has, still is, following her ex boyfriend on FB for years... And I mean YEARS!<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p

He has subsequently moved on a long time ago, got married has a kid etc...<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p

Her only form of "communication" to him is thru FB... They don't chat or anything, she just follows his every move and so thru this I believe have never allowed herself to get "over him"...<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p

Today, eight odd years later, she is still stuck on him and so very miserable and alone!


I agree with "SquarePeg" - delete her, allow yourself to mourn, move on, find your happiness and love again!


Do it now!
<O:p

Re: the one that got away
 

I think she needs to find her own method of closure with him. I had this problem too as I stated earlier and it affected me for the longest time, even through existing relationships I had. But through casual chats and more "relating" I was able to close that door with my Ex from long ago. It took time for me, but I did manage. My Ex and I will occasionally chat via text message or through mutual friend's FB pages. She did call me up one day just asking advice on what to do with three different issues going on in her life with other friends. Later on through other chats we learned that we both learned that we have ADHD through observations between her kid and my kid. Man she knows how to ramble on LOL. With her hyperactivity and my inattentiveness..yeah disaster waiting to happen.

Re: the one that got away
 

I agree with you totally, she indeed need to find her own closure with him!

My heart just bleeds for the woman as it's eight years on and she is still so stuck on him when their, her only connection to him is FB...

Re: the one that got away
 

It's funny, it's been just that, 8 years that I've wanted one of my guy friends. He's never been interested though, but I just can't stop carrying a torch for him. It doesn't matter who I've been with these 8 years, It will always be him that I want.

It's most likely never going to happen, but I just can't help it. I'll never stop.

It's a good thing he doesn't do facebook.

Re: the one that got away
 

It's a tuff one "Spacemaster", it really is when you've found love in your eyes and he/she doesn't see you back...

Re: the one that got away
 

I used to obsess about a girl from high school, and since the internet has been around I've occasionally been able to check up on her. I was like spacemaster, silently carrying a torch even though I was with others. But when I met my wife, I remembered what it was I thought was so special about that girl to begin with, and realized I had been looking for the wrong thing all these years. I still do google her sometimes, but now just out of curiosity, because I realize that I've found the true love of my life.