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-   -   Letting go of it all (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=188213)

Jacksper 10-06-17 11:53 AM

Letting go of it all
 
Hi all,

It's a while ago since I've been here, anyways, here's something interesting to talk about...

Let go of everything.

Sometimes I want to let go of it all. I want to do that now. Quit my job and be my own employer. I had 3 projects going on and I have been removed from 1 one them, that I secretly thought was my favorite. On the one hand I am relieved, on the other I am angry with my team. The leadership skills of my team mates were terrible, and they weren't skillful in other ways (see, I am angry... I *might* sound a bit harsh and unreasonable here so you'd better take what I am saying with a bit of salt :P).

I feel like I want to be self-employed now. Just choose my own schedule, my own path. No more employers (I like my employer but I don't like the fact that I have to ask permission), no more weak colleagues.

The good things about my current job: my employer pays for my courses. He is a nice guy who is patient with me. I have colleagues who are generally nice people.

The bad: I don't get any guidance, even though I am starting out in a new field. My colleagues are mostly pretty distant and don't do much for me. I am being put on projects without supervision. The projects are badly organized.

I really want to go and go independent. I basically am doing that now already, without the sense of freedom. Am I just being emotional and stupid? (probably :P)

The other option would be discussion these thoughts (in a smart way) with my employer. See if I can change my current job to fit me better.

God I am happy that it's weekend. I am really sick of this ADHD ****.

(I am just writing down my thoughts/feelings here... curious what you think of it. I know that being self-employed is not ideal and I may or may not want to go that route, but the current course does not work for me either and I am sick of feeling like I am not having a grip on my life)

Fraser_0762 10-06-17 12:02 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
I say run with it and see what happens. Lifes too short to be wasting a second doing something you don't like doing and avoiding things you would.

I let go of things all the time..... not intentionally mind you, things just slip through my fingers and I don't even realize it until something heavy lands of my toes.

namazu 10-06-17 12:11 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
How well are you doing now, with little guidance and disorganized projects?

If you're wildly successful at it, and also think you could be wildly successful at recruiting clients, managing contracts, and doing all of those other things at the same time, go for it.

If the lack of guidance and disorganized projects are frustrating you because you can't do your best work under those conditions, then it would be worth seriously questioning why you believe that no guidance and no structure whatsoever (in addition to increased management responsibilities) would be an improvement.

In that case, perhaps asking for more contact/guidance with your supervisors/colleagues and working to get a system in place to organize projects might be preferable (at least in the short term) to walking away from the job you currently have.

Jacksper 10-06-17 12:31 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
I am somewhat somewhere between successful and struggling.
Letting go may not be a good idea right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by namazu (Post 1967000)
In that case, perhaps asking for more contact/guidance with your supervisors/colleagues and working to get a system in place to organize projects might be preferable (at least in the short term) to walking away from the job you currently have.

The thing is... I did this many times and every time my employer doesn't really take action. Every time I communicated that I needed more guidance he said he agreed with me/understood my point, but he didn't offer it. I am not trusting that my needs are really being take care of, I feel like they just put me in situations that I am not ready for.

I learn a lot from it, but I feel like it's full of needless suffering.

Perhaps a better option would be to go to another employer where I can get more supervision and be part of a team. I would just like to have productive days without feeling like I am drowning.

Jacksper 10-06-17 03:18 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
It's a bit later now, put a bit more thought into it.

I have decided that I will start preparing to go away from this company. If I leave, I won't do so very soon, but in half a year or so. I will do some extra courses, update my CV and portfolio, reflect on what I want out of my life and my career, expand my network, etc. The biggest challenge that I will take on is to become more independent; learn to cope with not getting the structure and help that I feel I need. If I am able to do that, then I will be able to function in other places as well.

If things improve here, then fine, I can stay but then I will feel like it's my own choice, it's not because I feel like I have to.

And if that doesn't happen, or if I just find something better, then I will leave. Start my own thing, or work somewhere else. Maybe even abroad, if that's what I really want (not as a sort of escape).

acdc01 10-06-17 05:09 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacksper (Post 1967030)
And if that doesn't happen, or if I just find something better, then I will leave. Start my own thing, or work somewhere else. Maybe even abroad, if that's what I really want (not as a sort of escape).

I think that's a great idea jacksper. People have a really hard time changing so if you can't get change in your workplace then yeah, I agree you might be able to find another place that works better.

As far as being self-employed, that takes a lot more than just your current technical skills. You'll have to be an accountant, marketer, self-motivator, organizer, receptionist, etc unless you hire out these services.

Are you able to do all that? If so and you want to be self-employed, that's great. If not, another company is a great idea.

Jacksper 10-06-17 06:04 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by acdc01 (Post 1967040)
I think that's a great idea jacksper. People have a really hard time changing so if you can't get change in your workplace then yeah, I agree you might be able to find another place that works better.

As far as being self-employed, that takes a lot more than just your current technical skills. You'll have to be an accountant, marketer, self-motivator, organizer, receptionist, etc unless you hire out these services.

Are you able to do all that? If so and you want to be self-employed, that's great. If not, another company is a great idea.

Thanks acdc! good to see that you are still around! How are you doing?

I have some of those skills, and I am willing to hire others/collaborate with others. If I take the next time to prepare/reflect, than I will be able to make a better decision on my next step. Anyways, I am grateful that I am able to have problems like these. I used to be stuck in my studies, as you probably remember, fearing that my life would be a total failure, and now I am already having somewhat of a career. I am struggling in it, but I have been in my first job for 1.5 years and until recently it looked like I was moving towards my first promotion, not sure how that is now, but the thing is it is not going badly. I fear it may all collapse, but that is just my emotion speaking.

That said, now that it's getting later, I feel that I am feeling less anxious about it, it's starting to sink in. I was preparing myself to work on this project for a long time, but I didn't really respect my colleagues that much and I am feeling a relief of not having to work with them anymore. My boss also mentioned the possibility of me finishing my work and going to work for just one customer, that that would allow me to focus better (so he's thinking from my perspective, I like that. He knows that I have adhd and my struggles are really obvious - I don't hide it when I am having difficulty and I am very open about it). I see that he's trying to find a place where I can fit. He kind of saw that 3 projects at the same time was not working for me, and I appreciate that he thought of that. I would have liked to have a voice in it though, and I would have liked if my colleagues in the projects would have communicated with me, now I respect them even less.

Take everything I say here with a bit of salt, I am trying to express how I feel about this in my writing, not how I will act or how it really is. I made some mistakes as well and I take responsibility for that, but I was honest and open about those things, so I don't feel bad for that. I feel like my colleagues weren't/aren't open about what they are struggling and I think that now that they will have a hard time pulling this process off. Ok that is my revenge side speaking, that wants to see them fail. Oh human nature can be such an ugly thing sometimes :o

Jacksper 10-06-17 06:26 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
double post: I do not like having difficulty to concentrate though. I think my work is very interesting and the fact that during a lot of time I just can't focus on it is pretty frustrating. having one project less has the benefit that I may have some time now to spend on learning things.

I think I will just ask my employer if he thinks it's ok that I work for 4 days for customers and spend my 5th day of the week doing whatever remains (compensating for time wasn't spent productively, self-study, other random tasks that have to happen like organizing things, sending emails, etc).

Sorry for the double post, I am just writing my thoughts and feelings again, helps me sort things out. Thanks for your interest if you're reading this.

InvitroCanibal 10-07-17 02:26 AM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
Being unreasonable is good if you can stay unreasonable.

I think that whatever you do, you have to be certain about how you feel. Sometimes that means exploring other possibilities, other times it means journaling to see how many days a month you feel like quitting.

I think you have to go with whatever is most consistant for you.

If you consistantly dream, then go with looking at possible options

Just push for what feels most natural to you.

I'm not an emotional person, but how you feel about your life, and your work matters.

What I have read, is that at the end of the day, you should feel that your work made a difference to something or someone. If not, then yoy should seek other oppurtunities. If you feel like what you do has no impact, or meaning to anything, then it would be best to quit or renegotiate.

acdc01 10-07-17 03:31 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacksper (Post 1967051)
Thanks acdc! good to see that you are still around! How are you doing?
o

I'm both good and bad right now. Bad at work at the moment but good that I'll soon retire early.

Hope you are having fun this weekend.

kkristin17 10-09-17 04:33 PM

Re: Letting go of it all
 
Is there something that's preventing you from building a business while you keep your day job?

You can always KEEP your current job, while starting something after work.

Just try something new, and see if it sticks.

That way, you aren't risking the house :)


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