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-   -   Being ignored on dating sites (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=188805)

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 05:45 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971590)
Yeah, I even ended up getting a proper DJ controller thing. But i'm hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things to sound right. I also don't know if i'll ever have the confidence to make a public gig. What if i'm horrible and everybody there gets mad at me or something?

You sound like me with the "what if's". What if you're great because you practiced and practiced, and everyone loves you?

acdc01 11-08-17 07:07 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Why don't you try meetup groups or something. I heard the more men online than women too. But it's more women than men irl in most countries so your odds are better irl.

Fuzzy12 11-08-17 07:53 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971585)
It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.

You are highly intelligent and articulate. A lot of women find that attractive. Maybe not so much when you are young but you will find as you get older that women value these things a lot more (I'mn generalising but I do think it's true). Just don't get bitter by then...

It might be good to focus on the job and motivation thing though...

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 08:17 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1971616)
You are highly intelligent and articulate. A lot of women find that attractive. Maybe not so much when you are young but you will find as you get older that women value these things a lot more (I'mn generalising but I do think it's true). Just don't get bitter by then...

It might be good to focus on the job and motivation thing though...

Yeah, i've been getting told that for the past 10 years. At this rate i'll get my pick of the ladies at the local nursing home. :lol: (assuming I haven't ended it all before then).

Unmanagable 11-08-17 10:59 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Hmmm...don't they refer to the older ladies not yet nursing home age as cougars nowadays?

Is there a cougar based site you could join, if you aren't against the older generation as potential mate material.

Ya' never know. Might find you a sugar mama or two....or at least a different type of boredom, entertainment, and adventure potential for a while...til the next bright idea. lol

When you least expect it..........

Batman55 11-09-17 01:16 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971556)
Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever? :(

That's how it works for any guy who isn't exceptional.

Dating sites are by far the worst thing you can do for your self-esteem. Get off and don't go back. It does not get easier. And your mental health will thank you.

Women can spend 1 day on there and get 20 or more messages; not to mention they can message any high-value guy they want, with a pretty good chance of getting a reply, and setting up a meet the full moon if they so choose, if not sooner.

Some men can go years on these sites, getting a few phone numbers that give 1-2 texts and never reply again.

if there was something that could be more rigged (even if it shadows nature's way) I'd like to hear about it. It is the most disturbing and sick cesspool I've ever joined, I still feel dirty to this day, just from spending a few weeks on one of those places. It's where dreams go to die if you're a man without some "conventional value to offer." As if a few extra inches of height or "dat nice college degree" should be the reason to get attention, and the lack of such things a reason to be 100% ignored indefinitely. But go ahead and accept that fact if you want. I knew I wouldn't stand for it.

Batman55 11-09-17 01:25 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971585)
It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.

The thing is, if you can excuse some of my prior post as being hyperbolic flair (I can't help it)... in the end, you cannot let others decide your value for you and especially not vague "societal standards of success" which also touches on real life, not just online dating crap.

The fact is, there's nothing that makes you less valuable than the many ridiculously shallow folks (both genders if I'm going to be PC) on those sites.

If you were to choose the punishing path of being active on these sites for 3 years straight and not getting a single phone number (and this feat has been confirmed by several men I've talked to online) the point is you are still not "less worthy" than anyone on those sites who is successful, or those who only choose that 1 in every 2500 guys "with the most value, yo" because they can afford to.

Let the shallow folks rot in their desperate elitist hell, I say; it's not worth giving them one second's worth of your attention. That's how I handle these things.

InvitroCanibal 11-09-17 04:12 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971556)
Nope, I don't just mean that odd shallow/flaky person, i'm talking about being ignored by everyone, quite literally.

I've tried all sorts of dialog openers. Everything ranging from a simple "hi", to the most cringeworthy jokes. (which I won't share on here)

In any case, nothing I say works. I know they've read my message, because it tells me they've read my message, but there's never any response, ever.

I know i'm not what society and mainstream considers a "looker", but the women I message aren't exactly pro-model material either.... but I kind of get the impression that THEY think they are? :scratch:

Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever? :(

I met my fiancee on a dating site. (Together 6 years now)

To be honest, I don't know what works.

The best I can tell you is what she told me.

From what she had told me, she was flooded by messages from many guys. (hundreds?)

This is common for most women on dating sites, as the male:female ratio is tilted in women's favor...by a lot.

They have to do a lot of lazy filtering, and it's stressful.

From what she told me, she filtered anyone that sounded the same, or anything that sounded like a line.

Then she'd look at profiles.

Anyone without a pic, was axed.

Future conversations came down to the profile, the pictures, and your initial icebreaker, basically.

I didn't really use a line to be honest. I just asked if we could skip the ******** steps (Laid out by the dating site) and talk either on the phone or on skype.

She said she liked that.

In the end though, she chose me because of my dog.



So...if you get anything out of this...then get a dog


Good luck buddy

midnightstar 11-09-17 01:12 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Sadly, I ahd the experience on dating sites (as a woman) where I was either ignored or contacted by the desperate creeps who (as I said) proposed pretty much as soon as we said hello so I went and never went back onto a dating site.

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 01:44 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by midnightstar (Post 1971753)
Sadly, I ahd the experience on dating sites (as a woman) where I was either ignored or contacted by the desperate creeps who (as I said) proposed pretty much as soon as we said hello so I went and never went back onto a dating site.

What do you do to meet people now?

OyVeyKitty 11-09-17 02:05 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
I think the problem of over-saturation of men on dating sites leads to a problem for all of them. Due to the fact that some women get a lot of messages, they simply do not have time to respond to all messages they receive. This causes men to put less effort into each subsequent message because why bother, right? Which of course turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and more overall noise scaring women away from online dating. I hate to do it but I frequently hide myself from men altogether on dating sites because of this problem.

On top of that, statistics done by OKCupid show that men more or less all contact the same women. Men seem to have a less subjective view of attractiveness than women do and this causes there to be outliers on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness (as men seem to perceive it). Women considered very attractive are considered too intimidating and others are considered not attractive enough and both ends get few to no messages, while the ones somewhere in the middle get inundated with them.

This of course becomes an economical problem of massive proportions for men. Not only are there fewer women, but there is also an extremely high demand for the women whom men choose to contact. Many flee without a partner because of the apparent lack of quality men (due to low quality messages, possibly caused by frustration), making the pool of women even smaller and further increasing demand for the few who remain.

Women seem to be more subjective in their perception of attractiveness, with much more focus on both personality and perceived personality (from body language and looks). This works in men's favor if they know how to display their personality well. Note that "more subjective" does not imply complete lack of objective agreement over what constitutes an attractive man, but rather that there seems to be more fluctuation between how attractive women perceive a man to be as compared to the other way around.

This is, of course, a broad generalization but it's based on actual statistics and trends observed by dating sites. It also reflects my own experience.

In short, Fraser (and men in general), perhaps try contacting women you perceive to be "too attractive for you"? You could be their only message for the day. Whatever you do, don't go in with a wholesale attitude no matter whom you contact, but instead cherry pick the women you want to talk to and put proper effort into every one of them. Take a break if you feel you need it, but don't contribute to the spamming women are subject to because it's just bad for everyone involved.

Put time and effort into your profile. From my perspective as a woman and judging by the statistics I have seen, that would be your equivalent of a woman putting effort into her looks and photos. It's your number one asset after sending a message which gets a woman interested enough to go look at your profile.

By the way, personally, I find intelligence to be the most attractive attribute a potential partner can have. I can't speak for all women, but we're definitely out there. :)

WhiteOwl 11-09-17 02:31 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1971767)
I think the problem of over-saturation of men on dating sites leads to a problem for all of them. Due to the fact that some women get a lot of messages, they simply do not have time to respond to all messages they receive. This causes men to put less effort into each subsequent message because why bother, right? Which of course turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and more overall noise scaring women away from online dating. I hate to do it but I frequently hide myself from men altogether on dating sites because of this problem.

On top of that, statistics done by OKCupid show that men more or less all contact the same women. Men seem to have a less subjective view of attractiveness than women do and this causes there to be outliers on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness (as men seem to perceive it). Women considered very attractive are considered too intimidating and others are considered not attractive enough and both ends get few to no messages, while the ones somewhere in the middle get inundated with them.

This of course becomes an economical problem of massive proportions for men. Not only are there fewer women, but there is also an extremely high demand for the women whom men choose to contact. Many flee without a partner because of the apparent lack of quality men (due to low quality messages, possibly caused by frustration), making the pool of women even smaller and further increasing demand for the few who remain.

Women seem to be more subjective in their perception of attractiveness, with much more focus on both personality and perceived personality (from body language and looks). This works in men's favor if they know how to display their personality well. Note that "more subjective" does not imply complete lack of objective agreement over what constitutes an attractive man, but rather that there seems to be more fluctuation between how attractive women perceive a man to be as compared to the other way around.

This is, of course, a broad generalization but it's based on actual statistics and trends observed by dating sites. It also reflects my own experience.

In short, Fraser (and men in general), perhaps try contacting women you perceive to be "too attractive for you"? You could be their only message for the day. Whatever you do, don't go in with a wholesale attitude no matter whom you contact, but instead cherry pick the women you want to talk to and put proper effort into every one of them. Take a break if you feel you need it, but don't contribute to the spamming women are subject to because it's just bad for everyone involved.

Put time and effort into your profile. From my perspective as a woman and judging by the statistics I have seen, that would be your equivalent of a woman putting effort into her looks and photos. It's your number one asset after sending a message which gets a woman interested enough to go look at your profile.

By the way, personally, I find intelligence to be the most attractive attribute a potential partner can have. I can't speak for all women, but we're definitely out there. :)

This is such a great analysis of dating sites. I had never been on one before and had no clue they were like this. It kind of creates an icky atmosphere. I do feel really bad that this is the way it is. I never had a good impression of online dating sites, but it's gotten a little worse now.

I also was not prepared for guys who repeatedly send you messages over and over? I had to block a couple people.

midnightstar 11-09-17 03:08 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971760)
What do you do to meet people now?

My life is basically going to work and travelling to and from work and driving lessons. At the moment I don't really have time or opportunity to try and meet anyone new.

Does not help that where I live there's nothing to do. The highlight of someone's day is walking to the co-op shop.

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 03:35 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by midnightstar (Post 1971777)
My life is basically going to work and travelling to and from work and driving lessons. At the moment I don't really have time or opportunity to try and meet anyone new.

Does not help that where I live there's nothing to do. The highlight of someone's day is walking to the co-op shop.

Well... at least you're doing a job you love and working towards a skill.... remove both of those things and you have my life. :lol:

midnightstar 11-09-17 03:57 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971782)
Well... at least you're doing a job you love and working towards a skill.... remove both of those things and you have my life. :lol:

Erm ......... doing a job I tolerate simply because it pays the bills :lol:

and a monkey could be trained to do my job, you don't even need a brain to do my job ;) hence why I get so bored, I'm just not having a chance to use my brain at work :(


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