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Fraser_0762 11-08-17 02:09 PM

Being ignored on dating sites
 
Nope, I don't just mean that odd shallow/flaky person, i'm talking about being ignored by everyone, quite literally.

I've tried all sorts of dialog openers. Everything ranging from a simple "hi", to the most cringeworthy jokes. (which I won't share on here)

In any case, nothing I say works. I know they've read my message, because it tells me they've read my message, but there's never any response, ever.

I know i'm not what society and mainstream considers a "looker", but the women I message aren't exactly pro-model material either.... but I kind of get the impression that THEY think they are? :scratch:

Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever? :(

midnightstar 11-08-17 02:42 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
I had the same thing, nobody chats with me on dating sites beyond a "hello" unless they happen to be a creep who proposes marriage after, quite literally, 5 minutes :eek::scratch::eyebrow: and that's if I'm lucky. Most people just never respond to me :grouphug:

And the 5 minutes thing, I am referring to the following type of conversation:

Hello
How are you
Will you marry me

(literally) :eek::faint::eyebrow:

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 03:20 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Do you have a username like "bigDaddy" (saw that one today) or something with "king" or "stud" or something like that in it? What does your profile say?

Do you look at their profiles and ask/talk about any of their interests?

I've "heard" that dating sites have a very disproportionate ratio of males to females. I don't know if that's true or not, but that could explain why so many guys say they get ignored and so many women say they get desperate sounding messages.

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 03:37 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by midnightstar (Post 1971557)
I had the same thing, nobody chats with me on dating sites beyond a "hello" unless they happen to be a creep who proposes marriage after, quite literally, 5 minutes :eek::scratch::eyebrow: and that's if I'm lucky. Most people just never respond to me :grouphug:

And the 5 minutes thing, I am referring to the following type of conversation:

Hello
How are you
Will you marry me

(literally) :eek::faint::eyebrow:

Hey, we have something in common. :yes:






Let's get married!

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl (Post 1971563)
Do you have a username like "bigDaddy" (saw that one today) or something with "king" or "stud" or something like that in it? What does your profile say?

Do you look at their profiles and ask/talk about any of their interests?

I've "heard" that dating sites have a very disproportionate ratio of males to females. I don't know if that's true or not, but that could explain why so many guys say they get ignored and so many women say they get desperate sounding messages.

No, it's not "bigDaddy". Perhaps I should try that one out though? :lol:

My profile is kind of bland, but that's because my life is pretty bland, I don't really have much in the way of interests to talk about, because i'm terrible at pretty much everything and lose interest in a heartbeat.

But that's no different from their own profiles. I would ask them about one of their interests, but their profiles almost never say anything about them.

Is "hi" desperate?

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 04:16 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971566)

No, it's not "bigDaddy". Perhaps I should try that one out though? :lol:

No, don't!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762
My profile is kind of bland, but that's because my life is pretty bland, I don't really have much in the way of interests to talk about, because i'm terrible at pretty much everything and lose interest in a heartbeat.

But that's no different from their own profiles. I would ask them about one of their interests, but their profiles almost never say anything about them.

You don't have to be good at something to be interested in it. You could even say it's something you're improving your skills in. You can talk about your personality, goals, etc. I wouldn't message anyone who has nothing or almost nothing in their profile. How in the world can you know if you're interested if they don't say anything about themselves? Try to avoid those ones.

Have you tried POF? They match you with compatible people and give you a list of "top prospects".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frazer_0762
Is "hi" desperate?

"Hi" is not desperate, but there are a lot of "hi" comments, so it's easy to ignore. These are a few I've seen so far that made me cringe. "Hi beautiful" (a better alternative would be something more specific to that person, less generic), kissy emojis (slap yourself if you do that), "What are you up to tonight?" (Maybe it's just me, but that strikes me as creepy). Ideally, the best message would be something related to a shared interest you see in their profile, something that's unique and non-generic. Otherwise, you're just going to sound like all the rest and not stand out.

I replied to one message I got and he replied back promptly, but it was a very short answer to my question and didn't elaborate much or ask me anything about myself. So now I'm wondering what that means. This online dating thing is confusing.

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 04:27 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl (Post 1971571)
I replied to one message I got and he replied back promptly, but it was a very short answer to my question and didn't elaborate much or ask me anything about myself. So now I'm wondering what that means. This online dating thing is confusing.

If he was like me, then he probably didn't know what to say or what to ask. I find saying nothing is better, because i'd just end up asking an awkward question just for the sake of saying something. Those don't end well.

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 04:37 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971576)
If he was like me, then he probably didn't know what to say or what to ask. I find saying nothing is better, because i'd just end up asking an awkward question just for the sake of saying something. Those don't end well.

That makes sense, but why message someone in the first place then? He's the one who messaged me! I'll give it a couple more messages, but I'm not going to carry the conversation by myself.

I say awkward things, too, but I think saying something is better than saying nothing. At least you're trying.

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 04:44 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl (Post 1971581)
That makes sense, but why message someone in the first place then? He's the one who messaged me! I'll give it a couple more messages, but I'm not going to carry the conversation by myself.

I say awkward things, too, but I think saying something is better than saying nothing. At least you're trying.

Perhaps he is trying, but just genuinely doesn't know what to say. Don't assume that all men can lead the conversation. If he could, then he probably wouldn't even be on a dating website, hiding behind a computer screen. Because he wouldn't need to.

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 04:52 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971583)
Perhaps he is trying, but just genuinely doesn't know what to say. Don't assume that all men can lead the conversation. If he could, then he probably wouldn't even be on a dating website, hiding behind a computer screen. Because he wouldn't need to.

Well, I'm hiding behind a computer screen, too, lol! And I'm awkward as hell, that's the point of talking online first!

But it is good to hear your perspective and I'm not trying to hijack your thread (sorry).

You seem to talk fine on this forum and I think you speak/converse very well. People seem to like you and I like the things you say, so :confused:

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 04:58 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl (Post 1971584)
Well, I'm hiding behind a computer screen, too, lol! And I'm awkward as hell, that's the point of talking online first!

But it is good to hear your perspective and I'm not trying to hijack your thread (sorry).

You seem to talk fine on this forum and I think you speak/converse very well. People seem to like you and I like the things you say, so :confused:

It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.

aeon 11-08-17 05:08 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
In general, men get many less responses than women do.

If you decide to message someone, make sure it is because something really speaks to you from their profile...not just their looks, not just because of something they said...the whole profile, overall, must capture your interest.

Which makes the next part easy...

Write to them, but don’t just say hello, and don’t start off with a joke (unless that’s really your thing)...give them some feedback about what you read in their profile, say why it caught your interest, and because you have some real interest, ask some questions about those things they care about.

Based on what I have just said, it makes sense to put forth some real effort toward making your own profile complete, open-ended, and relevant to those things you care about.

You’re creating something to communicate who you are, what interests you, what you are looking for...and be authentic about those things, because this is not a situation where you want to present yourself as anyone other than you are. That said, it isn’t necessary to list those things that challenge you in life unless you want to (and I’d still recommend against it). There will be time enough for those things, should that become necessary.

You’re trying to tell a person who you are and why you might be someone they would find interest in. That said, your profile is not an advertisement, and you are not selling yourself.

And make sure your photos (and yes, you should have a few) are current, meaning nothing older than 6 months. They don’t need to be professional (though that won’t hurt), but make sure they really show who you are...both in the sense of what you look like, and what you do and where you do it.


Cheers,
Ian

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 05:16 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
I spoke too soon. He messaged again with questions this time. Why did I want questions? That means I have to answer them.

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 05:19 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971585)
It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.

Aren't you working towards the DJ thing? I hope you're not giving up on that if it's what you want to do.

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 05:23 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl (Post 1971589)
Aren't you working towards the DJ thing? I hope you're not giving up on that if it's what you want to do.

Yeah, I even ended up getting a proper DJ controller thing. But i'm hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things to sound right. I also don't know if i'll ever have the confidence to make a public gig. What if i'm horrible and everybody there gets mad at me or something?

aeon 11-08-17 05:37 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971590)
Yeah, I even ended up getting a proper DJ controller thing. But i'm hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things to sound right. I also don't know if i'll ever have the confidence to make a public gig. What if i'm horrible and everybody there gets mad at me or something?

Follow your bliss, and in time you will possess both competence in, and mastery of, the skills you have chosen to practice and learn.

If it came easily to you, would it mean as much, would it be worth your effort?

Frustration aside, if at the heart of things you have love for what you do, I have no reason to be worried about your success (as you would define it).


Best to You,
Ian

WhiteOwl 11-08-17 05:45 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971590)
Yeah, I even ended up getting a proper DJ controller thing. But i'm hopeless. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get things to sound right. I also don't know if i'll ever have the confidence to make a public gig. What if i'm horrible and everybody there gets mad at me or something?

You sound like me with the "what if's". What if you're great because you practiced and practiced, and everyone loves you?

acdc01 11-08-17 07:07 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Why don't you try meetup groups or something. I heard the more men online than women too. But it's more women than men irl in most countries so your odds are better irl.

Fuzzy12 11-08-17 07:53 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971585)
It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.

You are highly intelligent and articulate. A lot of women find that attractive. Maybe not so much when you are young but you will find as you get older that women value these things a lot more (I'mn generalising but I do think it's true). Just don't get bitter by then...

It might be good to focus on the job and motivation thing though...

Fraser_0762 11-08-17 08:17 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1971616)
You are highly intelligent and articulate. A lot of women find that attractive. Maybe not so much when you are young but you will find as you get older that women value these things a lot more (I'mn generalising but I do think it's true). Just don't get bitter by then...

It might be good to focus on the job and motivation thing though...

Yeah, i've been getting told that for the past 10 years. At this rate i'll get my pick of the ladies at the local nursing home. :lol: (assuming I haven't ended it all before then).

Unmanagable 11-08-17 10:59 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Hmmm...don't they refer to the older ladies not yet nursing home age as cougars nowadays?

Is there a cougar based site you could join, if you aren't against the older generation as potential mate material.

Ya' never know. Might find you a sugar mama or two....or at least a different type of boredom, entertainment, and adventure potential for a while...til the next bright idea. lol

When you least expect it..........

Batman55 11-09-17 01:16 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971556)
Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever? :(

That's how it works for any guy who isn't exceptional.

Dating sites are by far the worst thing you can do for your self-esteem. Get off and don't go back. It does not get easier. And your mental health will thank you.

Women can spend 1 day on there and get 20 or more messages; not to mention they can message any high-value guy they want, with a pretty good chance of getting a reply, and setting up a meet the full moon if they so choose, if not sooner.

Some men can go years on these sites, getting a few phone numbers that give 1-2 texts and never reply again.

if there was something that could be more rigged (even if it shadows nature's way) I'd like to hear about it. It is the most disturbing and sick cesspool I've ever joined, I still feel dirty to this day, just from spending a few weeks on one of those places. It's where dreams go to die if you're a man without some "conventional value to offer." As if a few extra inches of height or "dat nice college degree" should be the reason to get attention, and the lack of such things a reason to be 100% ignored indefinitely. But go ahead and accept that fact if you want. I knew I wouldn't stand for it.

Batman55 11-09-17 01:25 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971585)
It's not the same though. I can talk about things, but I can't talk about myself, at least, not in a positive way.

I'm the exact opposite of what a woman is looking for. Jobless, unmotivated, got nothing going on in my life. I don't have looks to hide behind either. I seem to be the polar opposite of what is considered attractive in a man, yet, can't seem to do a damn thing about it.

The thing is, if you can excuse some of my prior post as being hyperbolic flair (I can't help it)... in the end, you cannot let others decide your value for you and especially not vague "societal standards of success" which also touches on real life, not just online dating crap.

The fact is, there's nothing that makes you less valuable than the many ridiculously shallow folks (both genders if I'm going to be PC) on those sites.

If you were to choose the punishing path of being active on these sites for 3 years straight and not getting a single phone number (and this feat has been confirmed by several men I've talked to online) the point is you are still not "less worthy" than anyone on those sites who is successful, or those who only choose that 1 in every 2500 guys "with the most value, yo" because they can afford to.

Let the shallow folks rot in their desperate elitist hell, I say; it's not worth giving them one second's worth of your attention. That's how I handle these things.

InvitroCanibal 11-09-17 04:12 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971556)
Nope, I don't just mean that odd shallow/flaky person, i'm talking about being ignored by everyone, quite literally.

I've tried all sorts of dialog openers. Everything ranging from a simple "hi", to the most cringeworthy jokes. (which I won't share on here)

In any case, nothing I say works. I know they've read my message, because it tells me they've read my message, but there's never any response, ever.

I know i'm not what society and mainstream considers a "looker", but the women I message aren't exactly pro-model material either.... but I kind of get the impression that THEY think they are? :scratch:

Anyway, it sucks big time. Am I supposed to feel this lonely, this isolated and this rejected forever? :(

I met my fiancee on a dating site. (Together 6 years now)

To be honest, I don't know what works.

The best I can tell you is what she told me.

From what she had told me, she was flooded by messages from many guys. (hundreds?)

This is common for most women on dating sites, as the male:female ratio is tilted in women's favor...by a lot.

They have to do a lot of lazy filtering, and it's stressful.

From what she told me, she filtered anyone that sounded the same, or anything that sounded like a line.

Then she'd look at profiles.

Anyone without a pic, was axed.

Future conversations came down to the profile, the pictures, and your initial icebreaker, basically.

I didn't really use a line to be honest. I just asked if we could skip the ******** steps (Laid out by the dating site) and talk either on the phone or on skype.

She said she liked that.

In the end though, she chose me because of my dog.



So...if you get anything out of this...then get a dog


Good luck buddy

midnightstar 11-09-17 01:12 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Sadly, I ahd the experience on dating sites (as a woman) where I was either ignored or contacted by the desperate creeps who (as I said) proposed pretty much as soon as we said hello so I went and never went back onto a dating site.

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 01:44 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by midnightstar (Post 1971753)
Sadly, I ahd the experience on dating sites (as a woman) where I was either ignored or contacted by the desperate creeps who (as I said) proposed pretty much as soon as we said hello so I went and never went back onto a dating site.

What do you do to meet people now?

OyVeyKitty 11-09-17 02:05 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
I think the problem of over-saturation of men on dating sites leads to a problem for all of them. Due to the fact that some women get a lot of messages, they simply do not have time to respond to all messages they receive. This causes men to put less effort into each subsequent message because why bother, right? Which of course turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and more overall noise scaring women away from online dating. I hate to do it but I frequently hide myself from men altogether on dating sites because of this problem.

On top of that, statistics done by OKCupid show that men more or less all contact the same women. Men seem to have a less subjective view of attractiveness than women do and this causes there to be outliers on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness (as men seem to perceive it). Women considered very attractive are considered too intimidating and others are considered not attractive enough and both ends get few to no messages, while the ones somewhere in the middle get inundated with them.

This of course becomes an economical problem of massive proportions for men. Not only are there fewer women, but there is also an extremely high demand for the women whom men choose to contact. Many flee without a partner because of the apparent lack of quality men (due to low quality messages, possibly caused by frustration), making the pool of women even smaller and further increasing demand for the few who remain.

Women seem to be more subjective in their perception of attractiveness, with much more focus on both personality and perceived personality (from body language and looks). This works in men's favor if they know how to display their personality well. Note that "more subjective" does not imply complete lack of objective agreement over what constitutes an attractive man, but rather that there seems to be more fluctuation between how attractive women perceive a man to be as compared to the other way around.

This is, of course, a broad generalization but it's based on actual statistics and trends observed by dating sites. It also reflects my own experience.

In short, Fraser (and men in general), perhaps try contacting women you perceive to be "too attractive for you"? You could be their only message for the day. Whatever you do, don't go in with a wholesale attitude no matter whom you contact, but instead cherry pick the women you want to talk to and put proper effort into every one of them. Take a break if you feel you need it, but don't contribute to the spamming women are subject to because it's just bad for everyone involved.

Put time and effort into your profile. From my perspective as a woman and judging by the statistics I have seen, that would be your equivalent of a woman putting effort into her looks and photos. It's your number one asset after sending a message which gets a woman interested enough to go look at your profile.

By the way, personally, I find intelligence to be the most attractive attribute a potential partner can have. I can't speak for all women, but we're definitely out there. :)

WhiteOwl 11-09-17 02:31 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1971767)
I think the problem of over-saturation of men on dating sites leads to a problem for all of them. Due to the fact that some women get a lot of messages, they simply do not have time to respond to all messages they receive. This causes men to put less effort into each subsequent message because why bother, right? Which of course turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and more overall noise scaring women away from online dating. I hate to do it but I frequently hide myself from men altogether on dating sites because of this problem.

On top of that, statistics done by OKCupid show that men more or less all contact the same women. Men seem to have a less subjective view of attractiveness than women do and this causes there to be outliers on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness (as men seem to perceive it). Women considered very attractive are considered too intimidating and others are considered not attractive enough and both ends get few to no messages, while the ones somewhere in the middle get inundated with them.

This of course becomes an economical problem of massive proportions for men. Not only are there fewer women, but there is also an extremely high demand for the women whom men choose to contact. Many flee without a partner because of the apparent lack of quality men (due to low quality messages, possibly caused by frustration), making the pool of women even smaller and further increasing demand for the few who remain.

Women seem to be more subjective in their perception of attractiveness, with much more focus on both personality and perceived personality (from body language and looks). This works in men's favor if they know how to display their personality well. Note that "more subjective" does not imply complete lack of objective agreement over what constitutes an attractive man, but rather that there seems to be more fluctuation between how attractive women perceive a man to be as compared to the other way around.

This is, of course, a broad generalization but it's based on actual statistics and trends observed by dating sites. It also reflects my own experience.

In short, Fraser (and men in general), perhaps try contacting women you perceive to be "too attractive for you"? You could be their only message for the day. Whatever you do, don't go in with a wholesale attitude no matter whom you contact, but instead cherry pick the women you want to talk to and put proper effort into every one of them. Take a break if you feel you need it, but don't contribute to the spamming women are subject to because it's just bad for everyone involved.

Put time and effort into your profile. From my perspective as a woman and judging by the statistics I have seen, that would be your equivalent of a woman putting effort into her looks and photos. It's your number one asset after sending a message which gets a woman interested enough to go look at your profile.

By the way, personally, I find intelligence to be the most attractive attribute a potential partner can have. I can't speak for all women, but we're definitely out there. :)

This is such a great analysis of dating sites. I had never been on one before and had no clue they were like this. It kind of creates an icky atmosphere. I do feel really bad that this is the way it is. I never had a good impression of online dating sites, but it's gotten a little worse now.

I also was not prepared for guys who repeatedly send you messages over and over? I had to block a couple people.

midnightstar 11-09-17 03:08 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971760)
What do you do to meet people now?

My life is basically going to work and travelling to and from work and driving lessons. At the moment I don't really have time or opportunity to try and meet anyone new.

Does not help that where I live there's nothing to do. The highlight of someone's day is walking to the co-op shop.

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 03:35 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by midnightstar (Post 1971777)
My life is basically going to work and travelling to and from work and driving lessons. At the moment I don't really have time or opportunity to try and meet anyone new.

Does not help that where I live there's nothing to do. The highlight of someone's day is walking to the co-op shop.

Well... at least you're doing a job you love and working towards a skill.... remove both of those things and you have my life. :lol:

midnightstar 11-09-17 03:57 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971782)
Well... at least you're doing a job you love and working towards a skill.... remove both of those things and you have my life. :lol:

Erm ......... doing a job I tolerate simply because it pays the bills :lol:

and a monkey could be trained to do my job, you don't even need a brain to do my job ;) hence why I get so bored, I'm just not having a chance to use my brain at work :(

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 04:13 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by midnightstar (Post 1971789)
Erm ......... doing a job I tolerate simply because it pays the bills :lol:

and a monkey could be trained to do my job, you don't even need a brain to do my job ;) hence why I get so bored, I'm just not having a chance to use my brain at work :(

Do it! Train monkey's to do your job! That would be an awesome job. :yes:

Little Missy 11-09-17 04:22 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971792)
Do it! Train monkey's to do your job! That would be an awesome job. :yes:

I LOVE monkeys.

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 04:45 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Little Missy (Post 1971797)
I LOVE monkeys.

I love bananas... but not monkey's who try to steal my bananas. :eyebrow:

OyVeyKitty 11-09-17 04:50 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971792)
Do it! Train monkey's to do your job! That would be an awesome job. :yes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971811)
I love bananas... but not monkey's who try to steal my bananas. :eyebrow:

Are you trying to snatch that job, Fraser? :giggle:

Fuzzy12 11-09-17 04:57 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1971767)
I think the problem of over-saturation of men on dating sites leads to a problem for all of them. Due to the fact that some women get a lot of messages, they simply do not have time to respond to all messages they receive. This causes men to put less effort into each subsequent message because why bother, right? Which of course turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy and more overall noise scaring women away from online dating. I hate to do it but I frequently hide myself from men altogether on dating sites because of this problem.

On top of that, statistics done by OKCupid show that men more or less all contact the same women. Men seem to have a less subjective view of attractiveness than women do and this causes there to be outliers on both ends of the spectrum of attractiveness (as men seem to perceive it). Women considered very attractive are considered too intimidating and others are considered not attractive enough and both ends get few to no messages, while the ones somewhere in the middle get inundated with them.

This of course becomes an economical problem of massive proportions for men. Not only are there fewer women, but there is also an extremely high demand for the women whom men choose to contact. Many flee without a partner because of the apparent lack of quality men (due to low quality messages, possibly caused by frustration), making the pool of women even smaller and further increasing demand for the few who remain.

Women seem to be more subjective in their perception of attractiveness, with much more focus on both personality and perceived personality (from body language and looks). This works in men's favor if they know how to display their personality well. Note that "more subjective" does not imply complete lack of objective agreement over what constitutes an attractive man, but rather that there seems to be more fluctuation between how attractive women perceive a man to be as compared to the other way around.

This is, of course, a broad generalization but it's based on actual statistics and trends observed by dating sites. It also reflects my own experience.

In short, Fraser (and men in general), perhaps try contacting women you perceive to be "too attractive for you"? You could be their only message for the day. Whatever you do, don't go in with a wholesale attitude no matter whom you contact, but instead cherry pick the women you want to talk to and put proper effort into every one of them. Take a break if you feel you need it, but don't contribute to the spamming women are subject to because it's just bad for everyone involved.

Put time and effort into your profile. From my perspective as a woman and judging by the statistics I have seen, that would be your equivalent of a woman putting effort into her looks and photos. It's your number one asset after sending a message which gets a woman interested enough to go look at your profile.

By the way, personally, I find intelligence to be the most attractive attribute a potential partner can have. I can't speak for all women, but we're definitely out there. :)

Fascinating. That makes a lot of sense!!

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 05:35 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty (Post 1971812)
Are you trying to snatch that job, Fraser? :giggle:

Are you kidding? There's more chance of a monkey training me. :doh:

acdc01 11-09-17 08:48 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Interesting assessments on dating sites here.

I still wonder if your best bet is still trying to meet people in ways other than online dating sites given the poor odds you have. What do you guys think about that and where else could people meet others?

I think it's especially true for you Fraser if you sound smart. Cause I don't think your intelligence can shine in just an online profile the way it would in person.

Fraser_0762 11-09-17 10:19 PM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

WhiteOwl 11-10-17 12:09 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971875)
I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

Do you want to cry with me? I'm having a blubber fest. I just got asked by a guy I thought might be interested in me, if I had nice hips/thighs? I would rather get no attention at all! I'm deleting my account.

Batman55 11-10-17 01:53 AM

Re: Being ignored on dating sites
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 (Post 1971875)
I would meet people in person, but I must have the most awkward persona in the world. My success in person is worse than it is on the internet (worse than zero). I never know what to say to people, end up saying the wrong thing without realizing it out of nervousness, then before I know it, i've totally blown any chance I had of any kind of relationship with that person.

I'm tired of feeling so alone, but at the same time, I feel like i'm stuck being the way that I am. I just wish somebody out there could just accept that this is the way I am, instead of expecting me to pretend to be anything different, which I can't do anyway.

Same situation with me except I'm certainly less smart than you. I guess technically my odds of anything are even less, probably drastically less even for other reasons. Pointless comparison I know, but maybe if you figure out something that helps, it might help the both of us or vice versa or whatever.


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