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-   -   I need help (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=189118)

Fuzzy12 11-20-17 07:25 AM

I need help
 
I keep starting new threads because somehow I feel that every new thread marks a new beginning. Somehow from now on I'll be good. My will power will work perfectly. It never does. I need something else.

I'm so ashamed. I feel pathetic. How can I be such a glutton? I have a little girl. Why isn't that enough to make me do better? Why does even knowing. That me having tons of chocs disrupts her sleep and makes her uncomfortable not cause me to stop? Isn't that terrible? And while I'm gobbling down tons of sugar ihave to fight for every morsel she eats. I wish I could make a deal with the universe. I'll halve my food intake if fuzzling doubles hers.

I found a box of Ferrero Rocher among my parents' things and I just had the entire box.

We had friends over and gave them the sweets we had at home. I still crave sugar. I search the cupboards and I can always find something. Dry fruits that I keep for fuzzling,. Jam and honey.

After the box of Ferrero Rocher i tried to sleep but I couldn't. It's almost time to pick up fuzzling from nursery but I haven't even prepared lunch for her.

Something has to make me stop and that something can't be me because I'm not capable.

What a wasted morning. Fuzzling is crying in the nursery while I'm binge eating chocs and lolling about in bed. I haven't even showered. All because I had a box of Ferrero Rocher. Oh..and because I'm a stupid pathetic idiot

Fuzzy12 11-20-17 08:15 AM

Re: I need help
 
I'm going to quit added sugar though I'm a bit confused about what that means and what I can't eat anymore. I'm so tired and dehydrated I can barely think straight. In spite of lying in bed for 2.5h now. I didn't make lunch for fuzzling. I've got food for her in the freezer but still. I hate myself.

sarahsweets 11-20-17 09:46 AM

Re: I need help
 
You need eating disorder treatment-no matter whether you say you do or not. This is no loner within your power.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1974300)
I keep starting new threads because somehow I feel that every new thread marks a new beginning. Somehow from now on I'll be good. My will power will work perfectly. It never does. I need something else.

I'm so ashamed. I feel pathetic. How can I be such a glutton? I have a little girl. Why isn't that enough to make me do better? Why does even knowing. That me having tons of chocs disrupts her sleep and makes her uncomfortable not cause me to stop? Isn't that terrible? And while I'm gobbling down tons of sugar ihave to fight for every morsel she eats. I wish I could make a deal with the universe. I'll halve my food intake if fuzzling doubles hers.

I found a box of Ferrero Rocher among my parents' things and I just had the entire box.

We had friends over and gave them the sweets we had at home. I still crave sugar. I search the cupboards and I can always find something. Dry fruits that I keep for fuzzling,. Jam and honey.

After the box of Ferrero Rocher i tried to sleep but I couldn't. It's almost time to pick up fuzzling from nursery but I haven't even prepared lunch for her.

Something has to make me stop and that something can't be me because I'm not capable.

What a wasted morning. Fuzzling is crying in the nursery while I'm binge eating chocs and lolling about in bed. I haven't even showered. All because I had a box of Ferrero Rocher. Oh..and because I'm a stupid pathetic idiot


peripatetic 11-20-17 10:06 AM

Re: I need help
 
fuzzy, you want to try the modified whole thirty? let's do this! no processed foods and no added sugar.

i think if you dive in and try it that will tell you if this is something you can start to get a handle on or if you do need eating disorder treatment.

are you seeing a therapist currently? this would be a good thing to start working out where your cravings are coming from and start to manage them in other ways.

Unmanagable 11-20-17 10:43 AM

Re: I need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1974306)
I'm going to quit added sugar though I'm a bit confused about what that means and what I can't eat anymore.

What worked for me was cutting out all highly processed sugars (it's in damn near everything packaged - even f'n peanut butter, yet it's given multiple names, so one must do their research and homework to spot them).

I have a motto that I tweaked and often repeat to myself, especially while grocery shopping and eating out, that I learned from a book called "Food Rules" by Michael Pollan...."If it's man-made in a plant, DON'T eat it...if it comes from a plant in nature, eat it." Meaning I no longer eat any sugar except from whole food plant-based sources, like fresh ripe fruit, local maple syrup, dates, date syrup, etc.

Have you looked into the Overeaters Anonymous info that someone else shared in a previous thread? I've not used it myself, but have heard of others greatly benefiting from the online meetings and support.

I wouldn't have been able to make the drastic shift happen that I've managed for a few years now without the ongoing direct support of a local friend who had already been there done that in her attempts to fight (and finally win) against lyme disease symptoms via how she fueled her body (after 12 years of unsuccessful tries via every avenue of allopathioc medicine that exists).

I had also worked directly with a registered dietitian prior to working with my other friend where I had the good fortune of learning how detrimental gluten was to my well-being, and many other tips about the digestive system I never remembered being taught in school nor having the docs ever mention.

The dietitian had also steered me towards only local meats, local eggs, local dairy convincing me it was much healthier and more "humane". That was a much needed step in my realizing how miserable I was still feeling, still weighing in at 300-ish lbs., still suffering from lots of inflammation, etc. Obviously the animal products weren't the healthiest options for my particular biology, by far. Then I learned much about mucus forming foods and realized meat, dairy, and eggs were on the top of the list...no wonder I was still suffering so badly.

You need some heavy duty hard-learned direct support/experience to get you over the initial hurdles and to support you through your transitioning as your body adjusts. It's an addiction. A hardcore addiction, and you're surrounded by and live with other hardcore addicts and enablers.

The food you're so strongly drawn to is very often purposely and scientifically formulated to be addictive. I've read about scientists comparing sugar addiction to cocaine addiction in how it relates to the brain and body....not easy to just step away from...until you're left choosing bodily organs or a drastic change in consumption habits, as I experienced. Losing the body organs also means a drastic change in what one consumes, so either way, it's going to be drastic and uncomfortable.

It took a village, and then some, to help me. It had to be in person one on one and pretty intense, including trips to help me navigate the grocery aisles and translate the s*** on the labels, hours of videos watched about how things are made, hours of learning what my body can truly recognize and healthily work with, hours of preparing dishes that tasted pretty crappy in order to learn how to better tweak the flavors, hours of researching each and every ingredient I allowed into my mouth, hours of watching how all of the animals are being abused and treated like s*** simply to satiate human taste buds, etc.

Luckily, although it feels like anything but luck on some days, I'm super sensitive and becoming aware of the intense suffering of other living beings is all it took to finally seal the deal regarding my consumption habits, after my ER visit/scare, of course.

Choosing that amount of suffering on my plate each day several times a day was leading to the ongoing suffering I was living, too. It finally began to make sense to me. I was getting big doses of what I was was willingly dishing out to other living beings, although no one ever bothered to mention that as a possible connection to any of my ills.

A vicious cycle, in more ways than one. The ingredients aren't the only thing one needs to pay attention to, but also the energies attached to each. My heart had to have a serious discussion with my taste buds and digestive system, and they now work much better together.

May you find your genuinely helpful and highly skilled village while you're still able to seek them yourself, and may the decisions you make not have to come as a result of becoming mostly bed-ridden then lying on a gurney in the ER facing organ removal and such, as mine did.

midnightstar 11-20-17 12:12 PM

Re: I need help
 
Fuzzy, you're not a "stupid pathetic idiot" :grouphug: you have a disorder and deserve help :grouphug:

Fuzzy12 11-20-17 12:34 PM

Re: I need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by peripatetic (Post 1974323)
fuzzy, you want to try the modified whole thirty? let's do this! no processed foods and no added sugar.

i think if you dive in and try it that will tell you if this is something you can start to get a handle on or if you do need eating disorder treatment.

are you seeing a therapist currently? this would be a good thing to start working out where your cravings are coming from and start to manage them in other ways.

Ok peri let's do this :D

Heavily modified whole 30:

No dairy and nothing with added sugar. I'm just going to see if the ingredients of afood product say sugar or one of.its forms. That should eliminate most processed foods anyway.

Also I'm not going to follow any restriction when hubsy and me go out for a meal. When I was off dairy earlier in the year for fuzzling s sake I found irinpossibkealnost to eat out.i don't want this to be too much of a pain. It should be sustainable.

So no dairy and no added sugar.

What are you doing?

Starting...now?

Fuzzy12 11-20-17 12:36 PM

Re: I need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unmanagable (Post 1974328)
What worked for me was cutting out all highly processed sugars (it's in damn near everything packaged - even f'n peanut butter, yet it's given multiple names, so one must do their research and homework to spot them).

I have a motto that I tweaked and often repeat to myself, especially while grocery shopping and eating out, that I learned from a book called "Food Rules" by Michael Pollan...."If it's man-made in a plant, DON'T eat it...if it comes from a plant in nature, eat it." Meaning I no longer eat any sugar except from whole food plant-based sources, like fresh ripe fruit, local maple syrup, dates, date syrup, etc.

Have you looked into the Overeaters Anonymous info that someone else shared in a previous thread? I've not used it myself, but have heard of others greatly benefiting from the online meetings and support.

I wouldn't have been able to make the drastic shift happen that I've managed for a few years now without the ongoing direct support of a local friend who had already been there done that in her attempts to fight (and finally win) against lyme disease symptoms via how she fueled her body (after 12 years of unsuccessful tries via every avenue of allopathioc medicine that exists).

I had also worked directly with a registered dietitian prior to working with my other friend where I had the good fortune of learning how detrimental gluten was to my well-being, and many other tips about the digestive system I never remembered being taught in school nor having the docs ever mention.

The dietitian had also steered me towards only local meats, local eggs, local dairy convincing me it was much healthier and more "humane". That was a much needed step in my realizing how miserable I was still feeling, still weighing in at 300-ish lbs., still suffering from lots of inflammation, etc. Obviously the animal products weren't the healthiest options for my particular biology, by far. Then I learned much about mucus forming foods and realized meat, dairy, and eggs were on the top of the list...no wonder I was still suffering so badly.

You need some heavy duty hard-learned direct support/experience to get you over the initial hurdles and to support you through your transitioning as your body adjusts. It's an addiction. A hardcore addiction, and you're surrounded by and live with other hardcore addicts and enablers.

The food you're so strongly drawn to is very often purposely and scientifically formulated to be addictive. I've read about scientists comparing sugar addiction to cocaine addiction in how it relates to the brain and body....not easy to just step away from...until you're left choosing bodily organs or a drastic change in consumption habits, as I experienced. Losing the body organs also means a drastic change in what one consumes, so either way, it's going to be drastic and uncomfortable.

It took a village, and then some, to help me. It had to be in person one on one and pretty intense, including trips to help me navigate the grocery aisles and translate the s*** on the labels, hours of videos watched about how things are made, hours of learning what my body can truly recognize and healthily work with, hours of preparing dishes that tasted pretty crappy in order to learn how to better tweak the flavors, hours of researching each and every ingredient I allowed into my mouth, hours of watching how all of the animals are being abused and treated like s*** simply to satiate human taste buds, etc.

Luckily, although it feels like anything but luck on some days, I'm super sensitive and becoming aware of the intense suffering of other living beings is all it took to finally seal the deal regarding my consumption habits, after my ER visit/scare, of course.

Choosing that amount of suffering on my plate each day several times a day was leading to the ongoing suffering I was living, too. It finally began to make sense to me. I was getting big doses of what I was was willingly dishing out to other living beings, although no one ever bothered to mention that as a possible connection to any of my ills.

A vicious cycle, in more ways than one. The ingredients aren't the only thing one needs to pay attention to, but also the energies attached to each. My heart had to have a serious discussion with my taste buds and digestive system, and they now work much better together.

May you find your genuinely helpful and highly skilled village while you're still able to seek them yourself, and may the decisions you make not have to come as a result of becoming mostly bed-ridden then lying on a gurney in the ER facing organ removal and such, as mine did.

Meal prep is the problem. I don't have much time and once I go back to work ill have even less time..

peripatetic 11-20-17 12:42 PM

Re: I need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1974345)
Ok peri let's do this :D

Heavily modified whole 30:

No dairy and nothing with added sugar. I'm just going to see if the ingredients of afood product say sugar or one of.its forms. That should eliminate most processed foods anyway.

Also I'm not going to follow any restriction when hubsy and me go out for a meal. When I was off dairy earlier in the year for fuzzling s sake I found irinpossibkealnost to eat out.i don't want this to be too much of a pain. It should be sustainable.

So no dairy and no added sugar.

What are you doing?

Starting...now?

sounds good :D i'll do no additives, no sugar, no dairy except yoghurt, and no legumes/grains/soy.

starting... now!

day 1 :)

Fuzzy12 11-21-17 11:19 AM

Re: I need help
 
Peri I'm so sorry. I've already failed. In my defence I'm pretty ill with a bad case of the flu and just wanted to quickly gobble down something with my paracetamol. So had cereals. With almond milk but it has added sugar.

peripatetic 11-21-17 11:34 AM

Re: I need help
 
Just get back on that horse! You haven't failed; you stumbled :)

Little Missy 11-21-17 05:13 PM

Re: I need help
 
Get back on!

DJ Bill 11-21-17 07:07 PM

Re: I need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 (Post 1974515)
Peri I'm so sorry. I've already failed. In my defence I'm pretty ill with a bad case of the flu and just wanted to quickly gobble down something with my paracetamol. So had cereals. With almond milk but it has added sugar.

I love that Almond milk.......on oatmeal with a lil sugar or chocolate milk mix on top. :o:)

Hey Fuzzy - You have the Flu! Don't try and be superhuman while you are sick. Take care of yourself, get as much rest as Fuzzling will allow, and when you get better you can start to really work on the sugar addiction.

Fraser_0762 11-21-17 07:11 PM

Re: I need help
 
Hi Fuzzy, just know that you're not alone. We all have our addictive traits. It's part of being human. :)

However, if any of them are causing you problems, then you can't just quit cold. You need to gradually reduce them and perhaps replace them with something healthier.

Have you ever considered addiction replacement therapy? It helps to train your brain to change from a bad obsession to a healthy obsession. Obsessive brains will always be obsessive, but it can work to your advantage with the right kind of therapy.

Fuzzy12 11-22-17 04:16 AM

Re: I need help
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ Bill (Post 1974663)
I love that Almond milk.......on oatmeal with a lil sugar or chocolate milk mix on top. :o:)

Hey Fuzzy - You have the Flu! Don't try and be superhuman while you are sick. Take care of yourself, get as much rest as Fuzzling will allow, and when you get better you can start to really work on the sugar addiction.

Thanks Bill.
I think I have to put it on hold till I feel better again. We ordered pizza yesterday. Hubby differ to cook but I needed to him to take care of fuzzling because I couldn't even stand up...

Funnily enough my appetite is gone too so at least I'm not hogging sugar or cheese anyway.

Also good to see you. It's been s while. Hope you've been good.


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