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ScaredWife 01-21-18 12:40 PM

Anyone addicted?
 
This may be long, please forgive me. My husband is diagnosed as an adult having ADD. He is prescribed 60mg a day (two 30mg pills). He has, over the last few years, consistently ran out of medicine before the end of the month, but I wasn't sure of how early he was running out. Some days he said he just felt like he needed an extra pill.

Cut to last year when this became such an issue that I offered to keep his pills for him and give him 2 every morning. This hasn't worked at all. He begs daily for more pills. He has a hard day ahead or whatever the excuse may be. This last month, he got so ugly about them being "his pills" that I gave them to him. The whole bottle. They were filled on a Monday evening. He took 1 that night and I gave him the rest of the bottle on Tuesday morning. By Saturday morning they were gone. 60 pills in less than a week.

I cried and told him that he was scaring me and he yelled at me to get off his back. Apparently I'm always on his back about the Adderall. I told him that I loved him and I was terrified that his heart would give out and he basically told me to mind my own business.

The problem with his ADD...he seems to have an addictive personality. Not sure if this is something with the ADD itself and how he is wired, but he was addicted to pain pills in the past, which he mixed with Adderall with terrible results. He was out of his head. We actually divorced during that time when he sold the kid's PlayStation to buy pain pills. He went to therapy and started Suboxone and successfully got off the pain pills.

Then he started getting online and meeting women on dating sites. He amassed a huge porn collection, it spilled into real life when I caught him sending nude pictures to a woman he worked with. So, he worked on that and ended up addicted to the Adderall instead.

I don't know if this is just the life I have to look forward to...watching him switch from one addiction to another and yelling at me for "riding his ***".

I love him or I wouldn't have done this for almost 10 years, but if there is no chance for a "normal" life, then I'm not sure I want to keep doing this.

IS addiction part of ADD? My fear is...he takes all 60 pills in a week, then what?? He starts trying to buy again? Is that next? All of our money is gone again to his addiction? Or he just goes 3 weeks with no pills and I can't live with him. Or he switches back to his addiction with women because they don't ride his butt about his pills.

I don't even know what the point of my post is. To vent maybe. Or to see if anyone dealt with an Adderall addiction.

Thanks for listening. I spent the morning crying and I just wanted to put it on "paper" I guess since I don't have anyone else to talk to about it.

He is also diabetic and is prescribed meds, which he takes responsibly. He also takes testosterone prescribed by the doctor which he abuses.

He also lives on Nyquil Severe formula at night because he says he can't sleep from a cough (he's a 2 pack a day smoker since he was 12. He's 50 now).

Thanks for any input or suggestions. But mostly, thanks for the ear.

Lunacie 01-21-18 03:51 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
Boy that's tough. My heart goes out to you. I don't have any suggestions.

I just want to say that no, addiction is not part of adhd. Many of us take meds
as prescribed, responsibly.

Pilgrim 01-21-18 05:20 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
You’re very prone to many types of addictions with ADD. I don’t know what the science behind this is exactly. I would say that ADD meds can help certain addictive behaviours but you’ve always got to be on your guard. When the lights go out at night and your left alone with your own thoughts I find is when I work out my own problems. For me keeping things simple and being conscious of myself 24/7 keeps me on track. Having the right help is also vital. I was told by my doctor recently that I could be quite easily taken off medication if I misuse it. Which I’ve done. Good luck to you.

Little Missy 01-21-18 10:04 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
You have a chance for a normal life. Leave! He's not progressing, he is regressing.

peripatetic 01-21-18 10:09 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
Have you gone to counseling together? I would suggest you both see someone privately and jointly if this is going to have a constructive resolution for you.

I don't have an addictive personality. But some on here have struggled with addiction. I think it can be the case that when someone is suffering they try to self medicate. And that's what it sounds like he's doing. But he's right that you can't fix it. It does need fixing though or for you to leave.

I try to think of it this way: if someone is an addict/alcoholic and doesn't want to change, your life going to **** along with theirs isn't going to end well for either of you AND doing nothing or putting up with it is actually enabling it.

I'm so sorry you are enduring this xx

aeon 01-21-18 10:16 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
Clear your head, make a plan, and get out of there.

Put yourself first, because as an addict, he won't do that for you, or with you.

Make no mistake, this is survival time.


Cheers,
Ian

sarahsweets 01-22-18 04:37 AM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
I am an alcoholic. I got sober 5 years ago. My family put up with a lot. I feel like you are putting up with him because he has a prescription and right now he is not quite doing illegal things. He didnt get clean from the other things, he just jumped addictions. Getting sober is the only way you can stay married and you have to give him consequences if you want him to be motivated to change. Right now there is no motivation. He has done it before and you remarried him. Why should he change now?

ScaredWife 01-22-18 01:20 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
For some reason, this was what I needed to hear. Thank you.

Steve1111 01-22-18 11:22 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets (Post 1982446)
I feel like you are putting up with him because he has a prescription and right now he is not quite doing illegal things.

It's not illegal, but 300 milligrams of adderall could cause someone to have a heart attack and die. He's basically overdosing intentionally on a regular basis. So, the end result may not be much different than him being hooked on street drugs. To be honest, taking the doses of adderall that he's taking is probably not a whole lot different than what meth-heads do. I agree that there's no reason for a mother with kids to put up with this sort of reckless behavior, and yes you are completely right to be scared.

CharlesH 01-22-18 11:44 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
I don't know your husband, but speaking more generally, ADHD people have much higher rates of substance abuse issues.

Even though Adderall is a prescribed medicine, if he is not following the doctor's directions (such as using a month's supply in a week), then that is behavior that is stupid, unhealthy, and illegal. If he says that it's none of your business, then you can tell him that it's the business of his doctor and law enforcement, and that you're willing to report him if needed.

Why is he misusing the medicine? Is it because his ADHD symptoms require a higher dose? If so, he needs to be open with his doctor so that the doctor can consider increasing the dose. If he's just trying to get high, then he needs to cut out that behavior asap or face the consequences.

kilted_scotsman 01-23-18 05:46 AM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
Suboxone is an opioid used to get off opioids. It does not "cure" addiction.

What may have happened is your partner has shifted addiction of choice from opioids to adderall & sex.

If you approach this as a pain thing...... there is physical pain, and there is psychological pain. Addiction is an escape from pain of one or both types.

When we take non-addictive pain meds for physical pain, we continue to take them until the cause of the pain heals, through some other treatment or a natural healing process.

Addictive painkillers remove physical pain, and at the same time remove any psychological pain that might be present, bringing a sense of wellbeing that the person may not have experienced before.

Unfortunately addictive painkillers also increase the sensations of physical and psychological pain as the dosage wears off. Coupled with this the body builds tolerance to the painkiller, meaning that increasing dosage is required to alleviate pain and produce the feeling of wellbeing, while also dramatically increasing physical and psychological pain as the dose wears off.

The reason I am saying this is that, to understand what your partner is doing, you have to understand that there is psychological pain present. He doesn't know this, he now knows "no pain" but doesn't have the tools to describe "pain" because, for him pain is "normal" and his subconscious has now discovered a way to escape it.

The terrifying thing about addiction is that one has to bring into consciousness, face, experience and survive the full reality of one's physical and psychological pain to be able to avoid repeating the addiction.

One way forward is to gradually change the addiction.... from toxic through less toxic to irritating but harmless to growthful until the addiction doesn't have a toxic element but is actually positive.

The symptom thst points most directly to your partners underlying pain is the sexual element. Though this might seem to be about sex, it's likely to be a deepseated, subconscious striving to fill some kind of painful relational hole from his past.

I have personal experience of recovering from addiction, including relational addiction. It is hard to do and my experience is that it requires a combination of substitution, exploration, mentoring and acceptance. Talk therapy is very useful, but it's not the whole story. substitution of other non-toxic medications to reduce pain (as happened with suboxone) is required. what is particularly important is the place of solid relational mentors who guide the process and begin the relational healing that is at the root of the issue.

Once stabilisation has happened tolerance of psychological pain can be increased through exploration of boundary points.

The environment for this is crucial and is best summed up in the 3P's
Protection, Permission and Potency.

Protection means the individual is protected, ie feels safe enough to explore their pain.

Permission is the setting of permissable limits to voice and behaviour so that the individual can explore their pain without censure.

Potency is the ability of the therapist or group leader to hold the space in which the person is exploring their pain and the therapists ability to guide the process, keeping the individual "held" and also able to bring them back to the hear and now safely and assist in the understanding & integration of the experience.

It is important to realise that it is NOT the partners job to do this..... and it is impossible for a partner to do it effectively. This means the partner must, metaphorically, let go of the relationship that currently exists, hold the door open for their partner to leave and hopefully find a positive guide, and possibly return a changed person for a new relationship to begin.

This can be very difficult for partners so its a good idea for them to enter therapy on their own account to cope with the inevitable ups and downs, and also understand their own part in the relational dance.

DeClutter 01-23-18 03:10 PM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
I always prided myself that i didn't have any addictions except for the most widely accepted one that involves nicotine.

Most other stimulants and recreational drugs either made me anxious or apathic, so i never seemed to have the biology to get addicted to anything...

until i realised that i infact had another socially more acceptable addiction... i was a workaholic. And although i trived professionally, on a personal front it cost me dearly before i finally could see it was a problem. Only then i could take all the necessary - and as in giving up any addiction - painfull steps to scale it back.

is it just the ADD that is responsible for addiction? Most likely not, most likely there is also a childhood component in there that sets a person off in a self-destructive effort to keep a pain supressed, anxieties numbed down or a core void filled.

All i can say is that any addiction doesn't just go away with some good intentions and a bag of promises. The turning point ussually comes when the addict is in an EQUAL or GREATER pain then the pain he is actually trying to surpress through the addiction.

Therefore, in these cases, things ussually get worse before they get better. You can not help him until he realises himself that he is running out of excuses and basically is destroying whatever is left in his life that is dear to him.

this is where being a co-dependant or enabler backfires, thinking that if you help him he will stop. No, it's only when he stops that you can help him.

freshish 02-10-18 04:59 AM

Re: Anyone addicted?
 
I feel sorry for you. I am sure it's not easy. Maybe he needs to go to a doctor or psychiatrist and get his pill addiction treated! Maybe rehab too. He is too dependent on pills now.


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