Hard to make friends.
 

Hi, I am new to the forum. My son (8) was diagnosed with ADD last year and has been on meds for over a year now. We are currently on Focalin and having some success but still having breakthrough uncontrollable tantrums and anger. My main concern at this point is his lack of friends and close friendships. There are a couple of friends that he has invited over but the play dates are never reciprocated back. I have gotten the message that apparentely these kids do not want to be around my son. He is clueless and constantly wants to have these kids over to play when I know that there is a reason they have not invited him over to their homes. He doesn't have any trouble at school and comes home happy talking about these friends and what a good time they had at recess. I have noticed when they are around him that they withdraw as if he is too much for them and they will sometimes run off from him.

Sorry for the rambling but I just wish that he could find someone that understands him and is not put off by his personality. He is very funny and loveable and would have so much to give if he could be given the chance. It is breaking my heart. Has anyone else had experiences such as this with their children?

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

Talk to the doc about your options. Take note of when the tantrums happen so that you and the doc can sort our whether it is rebound or inadequate med.

The Focalin may be wearing off by time he is home after school and he may even be experiencing rebound as the med is wearing off (depending when the tantrums happen). His friends may like him at school but he is too much to handle after the meds wear off.

My youngest had violent outbursts and rages that were helped by adding guanfacine to the stimulant (Concerta most of the time, focalin for a while). It also worked after the stimulant wore off. Guanfacine is the med in Shire's new non stimulant ADHD treatment Intuniv. Intuniv is a long acting, once-a-day med where as the generic guanfacine had to be given up to 3 times a day.

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

Thanks Vickie, we are on 10 mg of Focaline and it does wear off by the end of the school day for sure. Our Dr. has prescribed 5 mg short acting Focaline at 3:00 but he is having trouble going to sleep at night. His teacher is very pleased with the change in him at school. His grades have improved and she says he is staying focused in class but on the weekends in our home setting he still acts out, aggressive and temper tantrums with yelling and blaming others. I am afraid that the friends have labeled him as well as other Moms as someone their child doesn't want to hang out with. Not sure what to do, I know he will have to develop friendships on his own and hopefully that will happen as time goes along... in the meantime It is very hard seeing him go through all of this.

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

Does he take his meds on the weekend? Did he have these tantrums before he started taking the stimulants?

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

You seem to be on the right track. One thing to consider is the 30% rule. It is not "the" answer in this case but it often explains why a kid will have difficulty relating well to his age mates.

You can find it at http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130


Consider this as just one more tool for your parent's ADHD tool box.

Dizfriz

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

My 7 year old son has the same problem. It is heartbreaking to see how the other boys that he calls his 'friends' are really just the ones that tolerate him.
He's intelligent, caring and has a great sense of humour, but has difficulties controling his behaviour (even on meds). He cries or gets angry over little things, which other boys of his age wouldn't be bothered about anymore, and so alienates himself from the group.
I so want to 'fix' this for him. It hurts that I can only guide him or give feedback on how and why things went wrong, but I can't protect him from the world and he will have to figure out some things on his own.
Valerie

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

I have the same problem with my son. He has one friend, a little girl down the road, that is the same age as him, other than that, he just kind of hangs around with his older brother and his friends, which sometimes results in disaster (twice this year the younger has been "disinvitied" from birthday parties. Thankfully his older brother stands up for him and has left along with him both times.). He says he gets picked on a lot at school, which breaks my heart because I was not very popular in school, so I know how it feels.

Something else I've noticed - it's really hard to get him to go out and play by himself. He will sit inside and play video games all day long if I let him, and when I suggest he go out and find something to do, he throws a tantrum. "There's nothing to do!" He has a swingset, and he normally loves to swing, and at times will volunteer to go ride his scooter up and down the road, but when I actually ask him to find something to do outside, then all of the sudden he can't find anything to do.

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

My son also only has his older brother (16)and his friends to hang around with. Not really age appropriate play for him and my older son does keep this in mind when letting him hang out but things still get said I would not really like for him to hear. My older son is very popular and has never had any trouble making or keeping friends, he is also a very good athlete. My eight year old doesn't understand why he never has friends over or gets invited anywhere. At his age my older son had at least 3 or 4 close buddies that he hung out with, it was just so different. Itis exhausting to me to try and be my youngest son's playmate and keep him entertained all the time. I am sad and exhausted.:confused:

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

Thankfully my boys are only two years apart, but at 8 and 10, especially with the 8 year old being more emotionally like a 6 year old, it's a little dicey at times when he's with the older kids.

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

Jms mom -- I am not a parent. But after listening to my mom's stories about me... I think I can relate. I used to BITE my friends. And my Grandma (I drew blood). And anyone who got near me.

These antisocial behaviors will go away once everything calms down, and you will find a great result when you get the medication mix correct, or as your son grows up. They did for me, and they will for your son as well eventually.

This may not be the reply you need, but I hope it helps!

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another:
"What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."

That is it, my friend.

Re: Hard to make friends.
 

today is the first day that my son is on Ritalin, we are just starting the process now of trying to help him. he has ALWAYS had problems with making friends and is very emotional.....I really hope this works, for everything in his little life, it breaks my heart too to see my awesome boy crying because he has no friends at school. :(