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Old 11-06-17, 12:47 AM
peripatetic peripatetic is offline
 
 
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Re: and so it begins, though really it's just never ending

i'm trying to outrun it.

again.

because that's all i know how to do to cope.

day three of late night meds--though at least semi attributable to time change? maybe. day two of debating morning ones.

i took e to sfmoma today and then the gardens' playground with a friend. she had fun and i bought her a cool art crayon of all 64 colours in one giant piece. she loves it.

i haven't been to sfmoma in a few years. and they semi recently remodeled. and i was looking at the art and i couldn't connect with much. nothing really moved me. and that's not standard.

but this gnawing at me is. and i'm getting tired of it. if i could turn my body inside out then the dead would be on the outside and the life would be on the inside and i'm pretty sure that's the way the world would make sense and i'd be at peace.

things are stirring. and i hear them. and i'm done wondering why. i just want it go away or overtake and bury me. one or the other. i'm stuck in a limbo existence that was custom made for someone who isn't me. and i'm tired of putting it on every morning and acting like it's ok. because it's not.

nothing is ok, really.
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