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Old 12-29-17, 08:45 AM
kilted_scotsman kilted_scotsman is offline
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Re: First time poster seeking comfort/advice/whatever else you can offer

IF someone has an issue like this it's important that they take positive steps THEMSELVES to alleviate the pain they are in. Failing to do so indicates either denial, or a more complex psychological process requiring professional help.

Remember that in a healthy family someone with ADHD will be helped to know themselves, develop healthy coping strategies and also communicate their own needs and feelings clearly. IF this hasn't happened the ADDer is left at sea in a threatening world, often desperate for connection, but unable to navigate towards it. Friends and partners can shout advice from the shore, but the ADDer has to paddle their own raft toward solid ground.

ADDers frequently have difficult family backgrounds so times like Christmas are particularly fraught as the toxic family power games play out, increasing the severity of ADDery symptoms.

As an ADDer who successfully navigated a 5000mile LDR for 6 years I can say that it is possible but I needed professional support as well as an understanding partner. Without the professional support, (which wasn't specifically ADHD orientated), and my partners deep understanding of ADHD, my ADDery nature would have led to problems and I doubt the relationship could have survived.

I also think that the LDR part of the relationship gave me the space to explore my ADHD and discover more abut myself. I feel that if we had moved in together early in the relationship, before I'd got to grips with my ADHD, things wouldn't have had a positive outcome.

My advice is to turn this on it's head..... the LDR is a positive opportunity for you and particularly your partner to find out what's important for you in yourself... and also in your respective partners. out of this comes the idea that BOTH of you enter some form of personal exploration, be it therapy, or going to personal development type weekends & workshops.....developing a regular creative or physical "practice" such as yoga, art etc.

Taking this opportunity to both invest time and (some) money in self-development would give you both something to compare and also maintain appropriate boundaries both in the relationship and with families..... with is particularly important for ADDers.

All these things made a significant difference for me as an ADDer, don't require a formal diagnosis or insurance.... and are useful regardless of whether the relationship is successful.
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