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Old 01-01-18, 08:43 PM
OrganicDorito OrganicDorito is offline
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Re: First time poster seeking comfort/advice/whatever else you can offer

An update for you all:

He called yesterday morning. He sounded like his normal self, and clearly intended on just having a normal conversation as though nothing had happened. I asked him why he had gone AWOL. He said nothing. I asked him if I had done something wrong. He said, "I wasn't planning on having this conversation with you today." I told him to please try, because otherwise, it was going to hang over both our heads.

Basically he told me that he had so much anxiety when I was visiting that there were moments where he felt smothered by me. He told me that when he feels as anxious as he was, being touched only intensifies it. He told me he started feeling like there was no way we could ever live together if I was going to be as clingy as I was being.

But then he told me that the logical part of him knew it was his anxiety making him feel that way, and that if he were to try and say something to me about it in the moment, it would have been "very, very bad." He reminded himself that when he's not feeling so dark and anxious, he enjoys being touched, and that I wasn't really being clingy. I was just happy to see him after three longs months apart.

He told me that the phone call we were having was the earliest possible time he felt he could even try to talk to me--about this or anythings else--and that that's why he hadn't called or texted. Because he knew he would say something he would regret if he didn't wait and let his anxiety diminish somewhat.

We talked for a long, long time. He opened up to me about things he had never told me before, and tried to explain why he pushes people he loves away when he gets deep into his anxiety. He told me things about his family relationships and finances that are contributing to how he's feeling right now. At the end of the call, he told me he loves me--which is not something we say to each other all the time, and I was frankly surprised he said it after this talk.

To be honest, I'm feeling pretty anxious myself trying to navigate this thing, but I am cautiously optimistic that he chose to open up to me and talk through things with me instead of continuing to withdraw. Hopefully, this opens a door for further discussion and trust.
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