View Single Post
  #11  
Old 01-23-18, 05:46 AM
kilted_scotsman kilted_scotsman is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Scotland
Posts: 4,007
Thanks: 91
Thanked 6,013 Times in 2,489 Posts
kilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond reputekilted_scotsman has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Anyone addicted?

Suboxone is an opioid used to get off opioids. It does not "cure" addiction.

What may have happened is your partner has shifted addiction of choice from opioids to adderall & sex.

If you approach this as a pain thing...... there is physical pain, and there is psychological pain. Addiction is an escape from pain of one or both types.

When we take non-addictive pain meds for physical pain, we continue to take them until the cause of the pain heals, through some other treatment or a natural healing process.

Addictive painkillers remove physical pain, and at the same time remove any psychological pain that might be present, bringing a sense of wellbeing that the person may not have experienced before.

Unfortunately addictive painkillers also increase the sensations of physical and psychological pain as the dosage wears off. Coupled with this the body builds tolerance to the painkiller, meaning that increasing dosage is required to alleviate pain and produce the feeling of wellbeing, while also dramatically increasing physical and psychological pain as the dose wears off.

The reason I am saying this is that, to understand what your partner is doing, you have to understand that there is psychological pain present. He doesn't know this, he now knows "no pain" but doesn't have the tools to describe "pain" because, for him pain is "normal" and his subconscious has now discovered a way to escape it.

The terrifying thing about addiction is that one has to bring into consciousness, face, experience and survive the full reality of one's physical and psychological pain to be able to avoid repeating the addiction.

One way forward is to gradually change the addiction.... from toxic through less toxic to irritating but harmless to growthful until the addiction doesn't have a toxic element but is actually positive.

The symptom thst points most directly to your partners underlying pain is the sexual element. Though this might seem to be about sex, it's likely to be a deepseated, subconscious striving to fill some kind of painful relational hole from his past.

I have personal experience of recovering from addiction, including relational addiction. It is hard to do and my experience is that it requires a combination of substitution, exploration, mentoring and acceptance. Talk therapy is very useful, but it's not the whole story. substitution of other non-toxic medications to reduce pain (as happened with suboxone) is required. what is particularly important is the place of solid relational mentors who guide the process and begin the relational healing that is at the root of the issue.

Once stabilisation has happened tolerance of psychological pain can be increased through exploration of boundary points.

The environment for this is crucial and is best summed up in the 3P's
Protection, Permission and Potency.

Protection means the individual is protected, ie feels safe enough to explore their pain.

Permission is the setting of permissable limits to voice and behaviour so that the individual can explore their pain without censure.

Potency is the ability of the therapist or group leader to hold the space in which the person is exploring their pain and the therapists ability to guide the process, keeping the individual "held" and also able to bring them back to the hear and now safely and assist in the understanding & integration of the experience.

It is important to realise that it is NOT the partners job to do this..... and it is impossible for a partner to do it effectively. This means the partner must, metaphorically, let go of the relationship that currently exists, hold the door open for their partner to leave and hopefully find a positive guide, and possibly return a changed person for a new relationship to begin.

This can be very difficult for partners so its a good idea for them to enter therapy on their own account to cope with the inevitable ups and downs, and also understand their own part in the relational dance.
Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to kilted_scotsman For This Useful Post:
aeon (01-23-18), DeClutter (01-23-18), Pilgrim (01-27-18), stef (01-23-18), SuperP (01-23-18)