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Old 02-06-18, 10:13 AM
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The cost of mild-moderate adhd

I've got a job (or will have soon), I'm in a long term relationship, I've never been to prison and I've done all right academically and obtained a few degrees.

So I'm obviously not the most impaired person. I've got the basics covered.

It's still not great. It's still not good enough.

My main cost is personal fulfilment and growth. I can't live the way I'd like to live. I'm wasting my life away not doing anything of value. I can't pursue any leisure activities because I've got a never ending to do list. The fact that I spend hours, full days procrastinating doing anything on that list is a different matter. Even if I allowed myself time off (from stressing about my to-do list) I can't focus on things that bring me enjoyment. That's why quick and easy gains are so difficult to resist. Like food. It's not tough focussing on eating. I know I enjoy them because sometimes when condition are ideal, I get in the flow and then there's nothing better. I could enjoy them when I was medicated.

I can't even take care of my health because i don't have the agency to do so. I'm constantly stressed and miserable.

I don't even want to talk about meaningful relationships. The only meaningful relationship is with hubby and that's because he's persistent as hell.

These are just a few things. There's more. Like the constant u unpleasantness causes the emotional dysregulation, the shame and guilt, the very real cost to everyone in my family, etc.

What's your cost? Am I too greedy? Should I be happy and consider myself as normal because I don't struggle with the list I mentioned in the first paragraph (as the psychiatrist I first saw suggested). (Also, I do struggle with those things. I struggle hugely when working, my marriage is always on the rocks because I can't work on it and because hubby carries an unfair share of the responsibilities and it took me forever to get a few degrees.).

So anyway, what's your cost?
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