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Old 02-09-18, 01:14 PM
Jen_in_SanJose Jen_in_SanJose is offline

Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: San Jose, CA
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Re: Meeting with School Today

1. Who said you had to enjoy school to go to college? I freaking hated school, almost all aspects. I went to college because I wanted to earn more than 30K a year and didn't want to learn a trade. We both have college degrees and work in high tech. I work for the biggest software company in the world, so yeah..I get it. My college degree meant that I make a ton of money. That doesn't mean that path is right for my son. Frankly I am surprised at this comment. The world is not one size fits all. I have always followed what I enjoyed and were my strengths and that led to financial success. I want the same for my son. If you try to put a round peg in a square hole you aren't going to be very happy.

2. As a parent with a 10th grader I feel I should warn you that K-7 was a breeze. 8th grade is where it gets complicated. The basics are learned over and over for a firm base. MANY MANY kids learn them and forget them after a week. Studies have shown that it is doing something over and over and over again that teaches kids the best. I don't need to be warned that K-7 is easy. My son's school is not easy at any grade as the academics are way above public school standards, however I do understand your sentiment and that is why I want to think through the best place for him for middle school(his school is K-8) and HS. I don't agree that repetition is appropriate. If your child is simply studying for the test I agree, but if they have mastered the skill that is different. Frankly I am surprised that you feel this way, but your opinion is your opinion.

3. If he is experiencing anxiety when things are not done then he should have more time to do them. Maybe even do them at home. I still don't think it is wise to limit the iterations. Gee, I never thought of this(sarcasm), he has been bringing classwork home to work on since 1st grade.

4. It isn't the facts you learn in school that are relevant, school teaches you how to work your brain. At first you learn one thing, and you do it 100 times. Then you are learning 2 things, doing each 50 times, then you learn three things all at one time...but the time you get through high school you know yourself and your limitations far better than had you never been to school. Learning the exact year Columbus sailed isn't as important as knowing that those type of things happened. When he gets to college it won't be any different. He will still have to take general ed classes that made me want to pull my hair out! When will a chemist need music appreciation? NEVER! But it does make me a more well rounded person and introduced me to things I would not have come across. I appreciate your experience and thoughts, but again I disagree. I actually had the opposite experience in college as it was the first time when the classes were interesting and had discussions instead of memorizing tons of crap I never used. But, that said, he may never go to college which is fine as well.

5. I don't know a single kid who wants to do 20 problems over 10. they ant to get onto the NEXT thing, but having to do 20 is part of the learning process too. I can do math in my head super fast, or with a calculator beyond didn't come by doing half the problems as everyone else. I think we have gone through this topic way to many times, so again, I disagree.

6. You are very concerned with his emotional and mental health. Have you ever considered he feels different because you tell him he is? Who said I talk to him about this? Nice assumption... However, I do think it is important for kids to know they have ADHD and what that means. I don't have to TELL him he is different, he already knows. He is super smart and figured it out long before diagnosis and long before I was willing or able to label him as something other than a "boy". It really helped him to know he has ADHD and so there IS a reason he feels different, it isn't just his imagination, he is not just stupid or bad kid for not being able to concentrate, his brain works differently and that is ok because we are all different and we all have different struggles in life.

7. You said "I can see him turning to drugs/alcohol, falling into the wrong group of friends, etc. if he doesn't feel good about himself.", take it from me, NOOOOOOO teenager feels "good" about themselves. Definition of a teenager there. They are too fat, too thin, too many freckles, not enough freckles...I think my favorite one I heard was "my wrists are too thin, they are like pencils".....huh? What the heck does that matter? Other people here can comment more on the addiction side of life, but for my son it's about who he hangs out with, where and when. He is supervised, yes even at 15 he is supervised. If I don't know their parents he isn't going over there. Thanks for the parenting tips. I had never considered that teenagers go through rough times or that supervision is important...haha. Silly me for thinking about how having ADHD and struggling to concentrate could make all of that way worse for him.

8. have you thought about giving him an outlet outside of schools to be social in? My son LOVES baseball. It's the glue that holds him together. Perhaps with your son it would be a sport or a cooking league?
Wow, activities? This is mind blowing. The parenting tips keep flowing..I am writing these down! My kids have been playing sports since they were 4, so we have that covered. They aren't super natural athletes, but activities and exercise are an important part of our family life. My son does soccer, basketball, and we are just kicking off his 4th baseball season.

I didn't expect to join this forum and get all the answers I needed, but I also didn't think I would get judgement without any questions asked. This hasn't been super helpful. I am going to try to find an inperson network of ADHD parents in my area. Thanks everyone who has listened and understood where I was coming from. Hope you have a fabulous future with your kiddos and help them become the best adults they can possibly be.
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