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Old 02-09-18, 04:55 PM
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Re: Could it be ADHD after all?

Quote:
Originally Posted by stef View Post
Doubt no more!
If you got diagnosed twice, AND the stimulants made a huge difference, you don't need to ask "if".

As for "Why", we may speculate about this, and wonder, and that's a very good thing, actually
The stimulants helped like crazy. Even with things I never knew were related to ADHD like emotional regulation.

The crazy thing is what it is that's wrong with me it's pretty close to adhd. My theory is that maybe I was born with mild ADHD (my mom and brother show traits as well though they don't admit it) because some of my childhood and teenage experiences only make sense if I had ADHD. Like not being able to study or pay attention in class once I stopped being interested at age 12 or so, cramming before deadlines, the emotional regulation problems, the eating disorder, the stimulation seeking, the inability to deal with boredom, my inability to follow conversations in a group, which made me super uncomfortable in groups, etc. So and then I think the depression hit and caused permanent damage, which exacerbated the adhd symptoms a million times.

Today was crazy but typical. I've spent a few months having lots of free time but I didn't do much. Last year fuzzling started going to the nursery. At first just half days. At that time id waste about 2h and then quickly prepare a meal and shower in the last 2h or so. Then she started going full time and I thought now I'd be able to get so much done when she's at nursery. But now Id waste about 6h and then in the last 2h prepare a meal and shower.. it's always the same. I still can only work as the deadline approaches.

So today fuzzling was at home but so was hubby so he took her for a short while and in which I finally got my blood test done and went for a run. And then when fuzzling was napping for an hour and half i managed in that time to cook, tidy up a bit, food some clothes and finally fix the cupboard locks. I was more productive today than I've been in the last few months when I had tons of free time.

And I know this is how I was when fuzzling was at home still. I managed to do stuff when she was napping and that is what convinced me that I can't have adhd. When she was was awake I did well because I had to attend to her immediate needs. So that was easy. When she was asleep I knew I only had about an hour or so, so I managed to he fairly productive.

It's when I was faced with lots of free hours that I just wasn't able to move at all.

So to me it does sound like ADHD. I mean I'm as fuzzy and forgetful and error prone as always but I'd out that down to baby brain and lack of sleep but it's really just how I've always been.

Sorry I'm rambling. I'm trying to clear things in my head.

Theoretically it does sound like ADHD to me but it's just so difficult to believe. I know that 5% isn't that little but even so. Isn't it just much more likely that I'm just lazy, crazy and stupid???
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