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Old 03-08-18, 09:33 AM
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Re: I'm a manager? What a joke.. someone help

There was more I wanted to add.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angnremorse View Post
I tell you why.. because as a female with my problem Ive always got by on the fact that I'm quiet. It presents a great, yet vulnerable image in which people believe that I am truly innocent and aloof on purpose. Surely I am too smart to follow social trends, go out and party, or to have had a baby/ boyfriend at a young age. They think that the fact that I've never attended college is because I'm lazy, or the "spoiled baby" of the family who just needs a push.. the truth is , is that the reason my life is seemingly chill and has great potential to progress, and the reason that I seem to stubborn and lazy to do so are one in the same. I'm a ******* mess. I'm so much of a damn mess.
What you describe is common about underdiagnosed females. We are overlooked because we are quiet, seen as underperforming etc.

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You know I'm 28 years old, and had gotten fired from my 8 year job because of an explosive temper. I had gotten fed up with everyone thinking I was stupid for being absent minded. This problem has followed me around. Even though my boss at my current company promoted me, I believe the promotion wasn't waranted becuase it was due to my dedication toward work and not toward my skill level.
Since when is dedication to work NOT a skill?

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I started showing up to work high or drunk, and found that I was able to pack out 200 cases in 4 hours.. such risks I took, because I felt unappreciated and like I would never be able to change.
Besides adhd the number 1 reason for substance abuse is resentment.



You were promoted for a reason. What do you think it was?

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I'm only 28 and this ruins every aspect of my life. I'm depressed and drown myself in like 8 bottles of alcohol as soon as I get out of work which is 8 AM. Somehow I am able to work and function the same as I would whether or not I had drank for an entire week. I been so bad this week that I park my car and dont wanna get in the house. I drink and then lose my judgement and go walk out for more.
Not to sound harsh but this is justification. Take it from one alcoholic to another, with the pattern you display it wouldnt matter how good or bad things were you would still drink. How mangeable is that? What do you consider mangeable?

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I feel like I've never felt before.. like I'm in a grave suffocating, with no where else to go. Its like the only option i have to stop the suffocation is death. I sit there parked in the car staring, feeling like I'm trapped in dirt, like this is the end. I only have one option. I come in the house and lay down and I feel the same way. It starts feeling like literal suffocation and I think about hanging myself or drinking anti freeze.
If you ever truly feel suicidal please contact someone. Otherwise when the pain gets great enough you will change. I speak from experience. I am one who learns from pain and consequences and I really have to suffer before I learn enough to change.

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The only thing stopping me is that I wouldnt be there to comfort my family through grief. That's sad enough to have stopped me. Weirdest thing ever is that although I felt like that the entirety of last week I mysteriously snapped out of it and am feeling giddy. Have long thought Ive had bi polar, think or rather know that I have add, and the fact that I'm a failure is triggering this type of depression into over drive. Im stuck.
You need to see a psyche ASAP. No excuses or waiting.
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The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
acdc01 (03-08-18), aeon (03-08-18), Angnremorse (03-09-18), daveddd (03-09-18), OyVeyKitty (03-08-18), stef (03-08-18), ToneTone (03-08-18)