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Old 04-13-18, 12:28 AM
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In trouble, hopefully not fired

I made mistakes at work. I won't get into all of the details but they range from serious to I-guess-my-boss-doesn't-know-that-most/all-of-us-do-this.

I don't think I'm going to get fired but they have grounds. I will be very, very surprised if I don't get a verbal warning or even a written warning. He mentioned something about re-training. I felt like crying but I held it together.

Getting fired is never good but if someone gets fired from this hospital system, I've heard that you are blackballed. This is the #1 employer in my region! I would quit if I could but finances and the proven "employers like to hire people who are currently employed" is keeping me from putting in two weeks right now.

I decided a few weeks ago that I need to get on the ball and start job hunting. I haven't liked this job basically since I started and decided a few weeks ago to start looking and have been here and there. I have to kick into high gear now.

I'm really sick of going through these things in my jobs. I don't want to be winning awards at any job but I don't want the meetings, feeling so embarrassed around managers, fearing getting fired, quitting under duress, etc.
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ADHD-Inattentive, Adjustment Disorder w/Mixed Features of Anxiety and Depression, Dyscalculia (Math disability), Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
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Shame derives it's power from being unspeakable.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
Shame cannot survive being spoken. It can't survive empathy.

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