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Old 09-06-18, 03:39 AM
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Re: Balance between accomodating for ADHD and discipline

Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielGoldberg View Post
Hi,

I have a 9-year-old daughter with ADHD who also has some defiance issues and is strong willed.

Does anyone have experience with the balance between accommodating for her ADHD and not punishing her for that, but also setting expectations and consequences, and disciplining when necessary?

It's tough right now to find that line between being assertive (not quite the right word) as a parent and expecting her to listen and behave, and being too demanding or hard on her. Also tough to know when raising your voice is ok.

Thanks,
Daniel

I suspect that "defiance issues" and "being strong willed" reflect in part, good ego integrity- she has a strong sense of who she is and what she is worth.

While some boundaries definitely need to be set, the innate high stress state in ADHD does mean that the child is likely to think the worst of any intervention- so caution in avoiding harsh discipline is likely to help. ie Be aware that your daughter is likely to feel anything you say is more intense and aggressive than another person would feel. Raising your voice is more likely to backfire than it would with a non ADHD child.

This is reflected in Dizfriz's comments and also Barkley's advice.
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