Thread: Friend advice
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Old 11-11-16, 01:38 AM
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Staying Grounded Yourself Should Be Your Top Priority...

Oh, man, if you are not in the same Cali university town pressure cooker I lived in when I was 13, it sure sounds like the same one (...Jordan Middle School, by any chance?). Of course times have changed, but I doubt the pressures on you now are any less.

I actually think you sound very grounded and patient in your own understanding of yourself, as well as very alert and compassionate to the subtle inner distress of your friend. I hope you can continue to thrive in the former, whilst being cautious about your ability to successfully intervene in the latter.

Besides the good advice from others here about showing empathy and being a good friend, I would just say it is entirely possible you could be dead right that you are sensing the early signs of what could turn into a crisis for your friend, but that does not necessarily mean there is some perfect thing you can do now to relieve her distress or change the course of her trajectory in the next few years. Keep in mind that many of the factors and pressures she is facing are beyond your knowledge and have been building for years. While a "friend in need" can sometimes make all the difference, at the same time there is only so much a teenage friend can do.

It seems to me that everyone who is perceptive in this way that you are has to learn the painful lesson that their ordinary everyday teenage powers to "come up with a solution that changes the world" are no match for their genuine superhuman ability to perceive and register that someone is indeed having a serious problem. Staying grounded and maintaining perspective in these circumstances can be your biggest challenge.
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