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Old 08-28-18, 06:48 PM
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Re: The what's bothering you RIGHT NOW thread Part V

I'm not doing well. I'm not even denying anymore that I'm depressed (though maybe I should rather than resigning myself to it??). I'm still doing the basics. Still doing ok with fuzzling. When she isn't around I'm just a vegetable. Sometikes it's almost a relief when I don't have to function anymore. Without her I'm free to let my inner vegetable out..()

At work I've totally withdrawn. I just do something that no one cares about and I don't talk to anyone anymore. Pretty much no one talks to me either anymore. It's a pity. My colleagues are quite nice actually. I could have had a nice time if I hadn't blown it with my mood. I keep missing meetings and don't complete any of the tasks that my new manager asks me to do. I wonder how long I'll last. I wish I could start again.

After not eating anything with added sugar for about six weeks I'm back to stuffing myself with chocolates. I'm incapable of taking my omega 3 or multivitamins. Or even drinking enough. I feel so thirsty and dehydrated all the time but I just can't get myself to drink more. I'm not able to take my meds regularly either. I wanted to try to take them every day but I just don't remember to take them.

Everything just seems so dull. No I seem dull. I am dull. I feel dull. I can't even think straight anymore. At work I'm basically just coding using trial and error because I can't think clearly enough to actually come up with an algorithm. Even this post is dull.

I know I need to consider anti depressants. I'm seeing my psychiatrist in two weeks. I don't want to.

I feel so unhealthy, both physically and mentally.

I don't really know what to do at this stage. I know.the usual: get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise. I just can't do them. The stimulants aren't helping anNore either. They just make me feel like crap.
Im just so tired.
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