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Old 07-26-18, 08:02 PM
Hephzibah Hephzibah is offline
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Re: Life Is Too Difficult - So Tired of Struggling

If you feel like you’ve changed from the experience you had 1 yr ago I wonder if you need help healing from that? Sometimes it helps to talk to a counselor. I don’t always need one, but I always make sure to see mine when I do. It also helps to have support when you are trying to make changes in your life and to help you make a plan and decisions so it’s not so overwhelming. Exercise is a big help as well. My doc says it has to be aerobic exercise that really gets your heart rate up.

I understand not wanting to take meds. I haven’t taken any for years. I never liked how they made me feel. You sound like a very kind and thoughtful person. I believe you have been given great gifts and potential that nothing and no mistake can take away from you. Some of your gifts you probably haven’t even discovered yet.

I always used to struggle with anxiety/ social anxiety/depression from a very young age. Possibly even ADD which was undiagnosed cause they just didn’t do that so much back then. So many times I wished things were easier-I wished it was easier to make friends. I wished studying was easier. I wished just going to the store was easier. (At work people said I was OCD, but I believe that as a housekeeper I was in fact just doing my job with excellence;-) Running away sounds great and when you fantasize about it for a moment there is relief. I learned from experience that wherever I am there I am. I moved 2,000 miles away from my home in the north to Houston. When my BF and I broke up I decided to stay. I was determined to change-to escape the anxiety and be a successful baker/cook whatever. I failed. I couldn’t do it on my own.

I went to a womens shelter near Houston. Things didn’t instantaneously change for me. In the shelter I met another lady who told me she had ADD. I learned from her that I needed to write things down to stay focused. So I started writing everything down to stay focused. I started taking notes-pretty much writing down word for word as fast as I could everything that was said. I learned that I needed to underline while I read to focus on what I was reading. I had a hard time focusing so I started writing down my hopes which became more like a journal. Little by little I was being given the tools to heal. Tools that helped me when I finally started taking college classes at the age of 35. Tools that have also unlocked other gifts-like writing. I barely remember all the things I used to worry about before.

I’ve also since then had a counselor do a personality profile on me. Turns out I’m pretty melancholy. (most personality profiles only recognize 4 traits and this one recognized 5) It really helped me understand who I was created to be and appreciate those gifts. Even though its not a very popular personality, it relieved a lot of the anxiety. I wonder sometimes if we try too hard to work against ourselves instead of with ourselves. There’s a little girl next door who has ADHD. She has so much energy and such a cheerful personality. I cant help but think that she must have all that energy for some reason. Same for you. What if ADHD is an ability instead of a disability.I know its super hard. Just don’t give up. I hope you will be able to find a counselor or someone to help you through this time. Meanwhile we are here for you <3

Last edited by namazu; 08-06-18 at 12:20 AM.. Reason: paragraph breaks; no religious discussion on the open forum
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