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Old 02-15-11, 07:06 PM
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Re: Not picking up the beginning of story

stef

That feeling stupid is a huge thing, I think, which leads to so many other things. For my sister, it's led her to pretend that she knows/understands things when she doesn't, so she never gets a chance to learn them.

Looking back at her childhood, there are so many times this has affected her underlying sense of confidence in herself. She covers it up, many times, with defensiveness, so you may not see it, but it's a feeling that everyone else understands something she doesn't.

I challenge that belief, somewhat, in that what I see is that ADD people assume, many times, that non-ADD people know more than they do. I often don't have any idea what people are talking about. The difference is that I don't think the answer is in my head. I need to ask the person what they're talking about. My sister won't because she thinks she should already know, which she can't possibly, no one could, but she doesn't know that. This cycle only perpetuates low self-esteem.

I would like her to develop the belief in herself to see that she has the right to have someone explain something to her so that she can understand it, even if it takes more time. One of the things standing in her way is that she doesn't want anyone to know that she doesn't know. But that's the only way to learn and see that many people will help you, which goes against all the self-protective instincts you've always had.

I'm living proof. I've used this method to learn almost everything I know. But I don't have ADD, so I've much more confidence in myself than she does that she can actually figure it out. But she has a good brain, just one that works differently. I would like her to stand up for herself and say, I need you to go over that again. Of course that won't work in all situations, but you can start with your best friends and family.

cheli
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