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Old 08-14-12, 01:32 AM
blinky57 blinky57 is offline

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Re: long term depression after suddenly quitting medication

adderal was only a short time thing that i took after seeing my doctor. but the visible side effects + the looking like a long time heroin user didnt sit well with me. (when i say jittering i dont mean like a small jitter, i mean like visibly shaking to the point where words get broken up) also emotionally it made me a train wreck and i couldnt stop talking, i had a couple of friends beg me to stop taking the medication because i would literally never stop talking and they couldnt hang out with me anymore (like 3-4 hours straight stream of consciousness) all the while i knew my none stop talking (which is very uncharacteristic) was annoying and tried to sensor myself but it seemed that i would just continue to mindlessly speak with no subject/ actual linear progression of a topic.

so you can see why that was not an option for me.

i am looking to start taking adhd medication again during this coming semester but im still not 100% convinced that ADHD is my problem.

i have no issue with attention span as long as something is interesting/ challenging. if it doesnt meet these criteria my brain just doesnt seem to care. its impossible to retain information that doesnt meet this requirements and i just start day dreaming/ having an internal debate about something else (usually morals or hypothetical situations). i start every class with perfect attendance and A+ through mid terms. once i get a hang of the information and have a firm grasp of the subject its damn near impossible for me to even get out of bed. if i make it to class i physically cannot control the urge to sleep. i could have slept 8 hours the evening before, stepping through the door and boom its like i've been awake for 3 days and keeping my eyes open is physically impossible. because of this i usually end the term with like a c-d. my teachers always complain about my drastic downfall and wonder what happened. several of my teachers assume its because i party too much and do tons of drugs, but i dont party and have never even wanted to do any sort of narcotic. i am a foreigner in america and dont wish to jeopardize my visa with underage drinking.

now on medication my focus is all consuming even obsessive. if i start something, no matter what i must finish it. i used to have issues where i would go days without eating, drinking or sleeping because i was working on something. i once became physically sick and couldnt stop throwing up because i had gone about 8 days without eating anything except my medication. i feel it has a unhealthy effect on my life and thus find it hard to justify the extreme issues my "adhd" has on my academic career vs the clear health issues taking the medication imposes.
(to clarify, ^^^^ these side effects are from every adhd medication i have taken throughout my life were the first paragraph was just from adderal, which i took 4-5 times before stopping)

in testing my scores are always high. sat, ssat, iq tests always near perfect despite that fact that it took me a fraction of the time to take them. in the sat i thought the breaks were boring so i got myself qualified for adhd testing (where you are separated from other students) and just took the entire test at once. took me a little over an hour for the sat's and finished with a 1560/1600 despite never even opening a sat practice book or studying (i got kicked out of a sat study class on the first day because i wouldnt stop answering questions before everyone else and when the teacher asked me to stop i fell asleep)

again im a lost kid on the internet looking for something that makes sense. i read a lot of articles that describe my situation but i find it hard to actually get a decent diagnosis from doctors or myself.

through testing from doctors i have been diagnosed with

high functioning autism
learning disabilities
mercury poisoning (no actual evidence of this but they claim it explained everything)
long term depression.

all of these were diagnosis from when i was 4-6, but i find it hard to accept any of these. my mom is still conviced that i suffer from aspergers and has been trying to trick me into meeting a aspergers specialist.

again i dont claim to have any of these but my parents were obsessed with finding something wrong with me and thus theres no way to tell what is miss diagnosed and whats simply a leftover from the large amounts of medication i took for more then half my life
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