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Old 10-27-04, 11:09 AM
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Got the DX: Going Today To Get the Meds

I'm nervous about this whole "medication" thing. I have taken Paxil in the past for depression, but never anything specifically for my ADD. Today I have an appointment with the staff psychyatrist to decide what medication would be best for me, after getting the ADD-inattentive type diagnosis two weeks ago.

I think the thing that makes me the most upset about needing these meds to function is that I have an 8 month old baby that I am still nursing. After talking with my friend, who is a lactation consultant, we decided there was really no ADD medication that is considered safe for nursing mothers. So, I have started weaning him. I hate that. I weaned both my other children wayyyy too early. This time I fought through so many challenges to get a good relationship going with my son because I had made a commitment to myself to nurse for a year. Now I am breaking yet another commitment. This seems to be a pattern with me (am I alone here) that I have trouble keeping commitments not only to friends and family, but to myself.

The other thing that wigs me out is that I'm afraid that I have unrealistic expectactions for the meds. That I will go through all this, trying to get the pills, weaning my baby, the medical bill expense, rx drug expense, and then find out it does no good and I'll be just as overwhelmed, unfocused, depressed, and hyperfocusing on my computer game as ever. I know that the meds are not a cure-all, and that I need to get myself on task. The drugs are a tool to help me focus, that's all. They are not a magic pill I can pop in my mouth and be superwoman. But, there's that little voice inside my head that says "I'll be better once I have my Ritalin (or whatever)". Since I have no idea what it is like to be on these drugs, I have no real idea what to expect. Did anyone else have these feelings?

So, anyway, I guess I just wanted to let y'all know I was going today, and maybe ask for you to send me some good thoughts and prayers because I am so nervous. I'll let y'all know what the Dr. and I decided to do this evening.
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