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Old 09-06-18, 08:18 AM
Caco3girl Caco3girl is offline
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Re: Balance between accomodating for ADHD and discipline

Originally Posted by DanielGoldberg View Post

I have a 9-year-old daughter with ADHD who also has some defiance issues and is strong willed.

Does anyone have experience with the balance between accommodating for her ADHD and not punishing her for that, but also setting expectations and consequences, and disciplining when necessary?

It's tough right now to find that line between being assertive (not quite the right word) as a parent and expecting her to listen and behave, and being too demanding or hard on her. Also tough to know when raising your voice is ok.

I have a 9 year old girl with ADHD and ODD at home. It's a struggle. These meltdowns where she hates everything and everyone are ridiculous.

I have to be an authority figure, I'm a single parent. I correct mostly with looks. She knows that means to re-word whatever she just said to me. If she's not going to reword it and crosses her arms then she has to go to her room. These meltdowns usually occur when she is tired or hungry so I try to keep those in check.

I do spank her but it's rare. She knows the expectations on certain things and we talk through others. For example, I told her the next time I find a used pull up (medical condition that she still has to wear them) she will get three smacks on her bottom. Next time 5. Next time 10. It resets at the beginning of the month. There have been very few spankings over that since we got to 5 one month.

Last week she told me she didn't want to clean her room, she said this is a VERY defiant way. I told her she couldn't go play for a week and that we all cleaned in this house. She didn't enjoy watching her brother play and not her. She counted the hours until she could play. This past weekend we were cleaning, she said "but i don't want to!", i said "What happened last time you didn't want to? She said "Oh, nevermind, I'm cleaning, I'm cleaning.

While I am understanding that certain things will be more difficult with her ADHD she doesn't get a free pass on discipline and expectations. I may have to remind her 6 times and not be mad about it, but she still has to do the chore.
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Daniel1970 (09-06-18), Lunacie (09-06-18)