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Old 05-03-17, 09:49 AM
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Re: help;ADD self medicating w/ methadone

Originally Posted by Copenhagen View Post
Hi, I'm new on here and hoping to maybe get some help/advice.

I strongly believe I have ADD, I have always had a hard time keeping focused, ever sense I was a kid I've had this problem. I was even in special Education through most of my schooling. now I'm 29yrs old. I've used opiates to cope with my anxiety in my teens then came across methadone. found out it last longer and also helps me focus.

Ive done tonz of research and ADD fits it perfectly.

I get extremely bad anxiety, when i talk to other people...convo starts out alright. then a noise or something out of the corner of my eye drags my head toward it, i look to check out whats going on, then look back.... i messed part of the conversation, my brain scrambles to make sense of the before and after convo. if that's not hard enough all along a new tangent of sub-thought starts, shame and hate toward my self it starts making it even harder to listen whats being spoken to me.

I use to think i just had anxiety, but about 2years ago i finally went to see the doctor about it. at the time i was clean and sober from everything for a little over a year just started a new job again, i over herd my coworkers making fun of me saying "he just doesn't pay attention". i took it as them calling me dumb, which then made my anxiety grow even more. that was on a Friday end of my first week. later that night thinking about the day and feeling completely embarrassed i made a impulsive decision. i said "F*** it." grabbed my phone called my boss, he didn't answer i then left him a voice mail telling him i quit.

i set up a Dr. appointment for Monday about my anxiety. after talking for a bit Dr tells me i think you have ADD that causes your anxiety. Me not really knowing what ADD is at the time other than my completely wrong stigma i attached to it(if you have ADD your just a dumb person). I then take it as him calling me dumb in technical terms, and thinking "Ok GREAT dr just thinks im dumb and my anxiety is made up or not 'real anxiety." i then immediately say back "no i REALLY have anxiety." dr. proscribed anxiety meds.

the sunday before my appointment i got a call back from the boss i had just quit on friday, we talk for an hour and a half he convinces me to comeback. After a few days on buspirone i notice its just way harder to think which adds to my anxiety. i decide to look up what ADD really is. WOW, It all makes sense now. next time i saw the dr i told her i think your right about ADD causing my anxiety, he shoots that down saying i kinda dont think you have that anymore. im like ok.. so whats my next step. after a few months and several different anxiety and depression meds. i get to the point were im starting to think nothings gunna work, i feel like im just a gunny pig to my dr, my boss is getting annoyed with all the requested time off for dr appointments, co-workers are like you might just wanna start lookin for anther job.

extremely long story short. i stopped seeing the dr, to keep my job, quit taking the prescriptions, went back to abusing Methadone and opiates. with in the last 2 years i became a crew boss. with all the responsibilities it left me so mentally drained all the time i started getting really depressed, after a few really long days i just had enough, i quit my job right there.

my question is i have a doctor appointment tomorrow, should i re-schedule if i have methadone in my system. i didn't tell him last time about my full drug history in fear he would think i was just drug seeking. the only drugs i have ever done are pot, alcohol and opiates.
You need to get clean before you do anything else, including dealing with your adhd. You are not just an abuser of opiates, you are addicted and your coping skills have been unhealthily built around escape and mood altering with substances. There is no pretty way to say this. I am an alcoholic in recovery so I feel at liberty to call it like I see it. Until you decide to deal with being a drug addict, you will never get the kind of treatment you need. You need to get those toxins out of your system, and truly get a clean head. You can say all you want that you are not an addict or that you are able to abuse or misuse and then stop them. Its not about how much you use, its about why you do so. Like me, you want to quell the anxiety and escape the pain. This is not a viable solution long term because you will get caught or build tolerance or god forbid overdose. Yes, you should be honest. What if the doctor prescribed you xanax? He doesnt know about the methadone so if you end up in the er or worse, it will be terrible for him. personally I would consider inpatient or outpatient treatment. You might think thats too much for you, or you dont need it but your history says otherwise. Once that is under control you can deal with whatever else is going on.
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Copenhagen (05-03-17), Little Missy (05-03-17)