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Old 12-03-17, 01:21 AM
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Re: On a dating downer again

Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
The person I'm seeing now has 6 kids, is kind of "rough around the edges" and very blunt like me (which also scares away people, but attracts me because I like directness), and is not what many would describe as handsome (unless they like country rednecks with beards and tattoos). He's not rich or high status. Yet he is kind, easy going and simple, makes me feel valued, asks about my day and what's on my mind, shares the same beliefs and outlook on life as I do, shares the same interests, is consistent and reliable, and works damn hard to make the time to talk to me and see me, despite his busy life. Is this the "highest value" you're talking about?
Maybe not, but just from the details you provide, it seems to be a higher plane of functioning that I can't hope to approach.

I think there just isn't any good answer for "low functioning" men. Is there even a way to sidestep the facts of underachievement and/or difficulty with employment? I don't think outright honesty about it will ever work; maybe being honest about the actual problems that LED to being unaccomplished and work-challenged, may suffice for some women here and there. But I have never been able to be strictly honest about that stuff, it's not possible without getting shut-out quickly. Keeping it a mystery seems to work for a while (assuming I can get the rare conversation going.)

Right now I still can't think of anything I can offer, and probably not any of those things you mention above, at least not on the surface. I wonder if learning to socialize again (I've been avoidant for years) would make me rethink this; or, it could confirm that I'm totally out-of-step and every bit as pathetic as I suspect.

Maybe the kind of social rust I have leads to a distorted world-view and that's part of all this anger/hatred going on with me; on the other hand, maybe avoidance is the best choice because the view I have about men that "lack conventional value" is correct, and would be obvious once I'm out with other folks my age. A lot of guys on other sites, when I mention my crappy situation, use the Darwinian angle in describing high value vs low value; be attractive and confident, or make lotsa money, otherwise forget it.

I just don't know, I don't want to find out either.
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