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Old 12-03-17, 02:29 PM
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Re: On a dating downer again

Originally Posted by Batman55 View Post
Maybe not, but just from the details you provide, it seems to be a higher plane of functioning that I can't hope to approach.

I think there just isn't any good answer for "low functioning" men. Is there even a way to sidestep the facts of underachievement and/or difficulty with employment? I don't think outright honesty about it will ever work; maybe being honest about the actual problems that LED to being unaccomplished and work-challenged, may suffice for some women here and there. But I have never been able to be strictly honest about that stuff, it's not possible without getting shut-out quickly. Keeping it a mystery seems to work for a while (assuming I can get the rare conversation going.)
I don't know. There are a lot of people out there in relationships with people who don't have jobs, for various reasons. It is difficult for a lot of people to get and keep a job, these days. I don't know how many of those relationships started out with one of them being jobless, though. It probably stands out a lot more on a dating site, though, whereas people might be more forgiving in real life. Maybe it would help if you said you were unable to work due to disability, but that you were receiving support elsewhere and that they would not have to support you?

Originally Posted by Batman55
Right now I still can't think of anything I can offer, and probably not any of those things you mention above, at least not on the surface. I wonder if learning to socialize again (I've been avoidant for years) would make me rethink this; or, it could confirm that I'm totally out-of-step and every bit as pathetic as I suspect.

Maybe the kind of social rust I have leads to a distorted world-view and that's part of all this anger/hatred going on with me; on the other hand, maybe avoidance is the best choice because the view I have about men that "lack conventional value" is correct, and would be obvious once I'm out with other folks my age. A lot of guys on other sites, when I mention my crappy situation, use the Darwinian angle in describing high value vs low value; be attractive and confident, or make lotsa money, otherwise forget it.

I just don't know, I don't want to find out either.
Well, I can understand the "what ifs", but you have to realize that you're weighing the risks/benefits and making a choice. You won't know unless you try, but if you decide that it's too much of a risk, that's your choice. Although, even if you did try socializing and failed at it, that would not make you pathetic or worthless. But I think you already know that, even if it goes against your feelings and perceptions.
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