Thread: Help
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Old 01-14-18, 10:28 PM
ToneTone ToneTone is offline
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Re: Help

Yeah, you probably could benefit from therapy because you're putting way too much weight on her mood ... We cannot change people's moods. And people feel intruded on when others try to get in their heads too much, yes even spouses.

I recommend therapy because you're making her too much the center of your world and your own emotional inner life. And though the movies might suggest that's a good thing, actually people DON'T want to be the center of others' lives.

People actually feel safer and more excited in connecting with others whose own lives are full separate from them.

You definitely have the right and duty to confront her about her relationship with the male coworker ... But it seems you might have muddled that by making it too much about you ... Instead, just hold her accountable. Confront her gently when you repeatedly yells at the kids. Confront her gently for the behavior you don't like.

Then let her figure out how to make the adjustment to get back on track.

Definitely the right therapist could help you get centered and away from the sorta people-pleasing, mood-dependency you have going on.

Think of it this way ... if something is really bothering her that has nothing to do with you, then you constantly asking about her mood doesn't help her ...

And if something is really bothering her that does have something to do with you--but she refuses to say--then you bothering her still won't help her or help you.

Get in your own life ... that's all you can do ... you'll be strengthening yourself and taking pressure off of her. You'll create some room for her to come towards you.

Tone
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