Thread: The cool crowd
View Single Post
Old 07-25-18, 10:20 AM
tudorose's Avatar
tudorose tudorose is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate

Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Oz
Posts: 4,331
Thanks: 5,259
Thanked 5,585 Times in 2,411 Posts
tudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond reputetudorose has a reputation beyond repute
Re: The cool crowd

Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Oh tudorrose! I hate that sh*t. I experienced that with AA a few years back. I was in a cool crowd with about 5 women and we went away for the weekend to one of their family's cabins. I was very nervous. I have slept next to my husband for 25 years and no where else. I dont always jive with women but they got me into their comfort zone. So what happens when 5 women with various addiction issues, trauma histories and mental health stuff? Deep dark talks late into the night and then something happened...I was told we could do anything we wanted. I brought my nail stuff thinking we could paint our nails..I get up VERY early and had to tiptoe around and creep around which kills me because of my morning routine. I did my best. They had other ideas of what to do and thought I was withdrawing too much. I was a little manic the first night but I thought they understood me. Well, they didn't. I rode home with my sponsor and one other woman and they accused me of being "on" something. They even wanted to search my bag and I said go ahead but they didn't. It was 2 hours of berating and I was in tears when I got dropped off. Worst experience with women and it almost confirmed my bias that women were bi**hes when they got together. I learned a lot about myself though.

I learned that I am not defined by what other's think of me. I learned that I needed to branch out and find friends that accepted me and all my quirks and idiosyncrasies. I learned that I don't need to stand for being attacked because I did feel guilty and helpless. It was really only two women but they were like the leaders and drew the others into the fold. They just dropped me, and I had to mourn them. BUT I swear it was one of the most useful lessons I had ever learned in my life. I am grateful that it all went down. It took me a long while to get used to seeing them in meetings but held my head high because I did not do anything wrong. That very night I saw my sponsor (who wasn't my sponsor anymore) and said hi and smiled. I moved on with one foot in front of the other and never again will I stand for that. So in the end it turned out to be good.

Now after all that my thoughts on you... I know this is annoying to say but you can either ignore them (which is almost impossible) or be super nice to them and say hello and act like their stupid f**king clique means nothing to you. If you overhear something they laugh at chuckle to yourself as if you get it. When you interact with them force a smile, keep your voice light and be positive. Try not to let their lack of inclusion feel that it has anything to do with you. They don't even know the real you anyway, they do not see how supportive you are here and maybe to the people in your life that deserve it. They do not get it. And f**k them. Sometimes saying "go f**k yourselves" is freeing, it was for me. But in work, I know that's not possible so say it in your mind. "They don't like me and they can f**k off" Its my go-to and I swear the more you say it and do it internally or out loud the better and more free you will feel. Think of how small their world is. Who the f**k needs to be in some a** small group of gossipy back stabbing women ? I am sure they would tattle tale on you in a heartbeat. In fact if you hear anything at all that your promotion put a stick up their butts then act even more gracious and capable that it's you who got the promotion and not them.

I say this situation allows for some hubris or even a slight bit of arrogance..YOU got the promotion on merit. Not cause you kissed as* not because you flirted your way in with your superiors but merit. The new girl f**king nailed it! Good for you girl. Screw them and their kitty cat nonsense. Let them get tickled about stupid texts and youtube videos. BUY GIRLS!

Wow Sarah that sounds awful and being stuck there with them too. I agree just keep being nice and don't react to being excluded. At the end of it I'm there to work not make friends and yeah I did get the job on merit. I just thought one was my friend but friends don't act like that. Which pretty much means in life I have no friends. That's fine though. I'd rather not deal with the high school crap
Half human, Half alien
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tudorose For This Useful Post:
Lunacie (06-06-19), sarahsweets (07-25-18)