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Old 09-26-18, 07:04 PM
MindBlind MindBlind is offline
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How do I avoid overwhelming myself?

So the shrink reckons that I have a habit of letting my emotions build up until I have a freakout or meltdown. Itís something heís particularly concerned about, especially since the last time I got so messed up that I took an overdose. The thing is that I donít actually know how Iím letting these emotions build up. I have hobbies and I do talk about my feelings (and I see a therapist) but these feelings just accumulate regardless.

Lately Iíve been having some pretty intense anxiety. My anxiety does get worse near my period, but not so bad that I wake up with a panic attack, get chest pains, and have more random partial attacks throughout the day. Thing is, Iíve been on top of things and this week has been really good so far. Work is great, Iím getting along well with my family, Iíve been hanging out more with friends, Iíve taken a break from social media, I take my medicine when Iím supposed to, and Iím allowing myself to relax when Iím at home. So what am I doing wrong?

I know Iím talking about anxiety, but this also applies to my mood. Shortly before the overdose I was actually in a really good mood and things seemed to be going well. Then I suddenly plummeted into such a dark place and I just couldnít shake the feeling of wanting to die. There was no real reason for it - it just happened.

I know that I will feel suicidal again because it happens so often that itís basically a way of life for me. Itís an alien feeling that just invades my psyche from time to time. This can last for days, weeks and even months. Then it just kinda disappears and I feel okay again. I track my moods and try to determine what stressors could be contributing to these mini breakdowns, but Iím honestly at a loss.

I donít want to ruminate too much on this as I know that isnít good for me either. So instead I wanna to ask if there are others that can understand where Iím coming from and if thereís anything that has helped them identify ways to avoid this sort of thing from happening.

Oh, and does anyone use any fidget toys to manage anxiety? Iím thinking about keeping a box of different fidgets to manage my anxiety. I have a few already but I like to use different ones for different things. I guess itís an association thing, i.e, fidget cube = listening , spinner = Netflix and chill , tangle = road trip.
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