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Old 02-10-19, 03:34 AM
Drogheda98 Drogheda98 is offline
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self acceptance piece number, heh.... pondering about stuff.

if I' not putting this in the right folder, I'm sorry mods my bad

I fully accept I'm smart, in the past I've denied that fact, it could of been some sort of defense, dunknow. people who are smart like I am, we... there is almost a kind of melancholy. and I don't mean to trigger anyone or say anything that is hurtfull to anyone, I'm just... processing this part of me I haven't, or skimed over, in the past

to be able to formulate the simple and complex, appreciate a sunset just because and know the formation of the cosmo's that caused the sunset, and sunrise, in both the psychological and physical, to intertwine the beauty in everything, in everyone. I'm lucky as all that to be able to process such things. others, can't, and it hurts, you know.

I recently read an ncbi article that state it beautifully, that those of us, like me in this regard, are burned in trying to unshackle these chains. upwards of 2 deviations in the iq department, a part of the brain is different from the rest of societies(140-150ish here). the connecting the dots, is... just, something my brain does on automatic. on the other hand, it's people like me who... and I'm saying this to just... relate to myself, who can change the world,

that's always been the daunting call. either use my full potential or, not. and I've peiced together through therapy, change the inner world for the better to change the outer for the better. it's not about me, life is about everyone (including our beloved dogs). ya, I'm part of the equation, I'm not the equation, I can just add my certain recipe to lifes equation for the good of everyone.

the hero's journey, at first I just thought, it was a particular psychological construct. it isn't, it's answering our own individual calls and then being the hero. I'm not the hero for me, and sorry for a bit of ego (small ego is fine), I'm the hero, for those who can't be one, I'm the hero for those in the future, and for those in the present. on par with the monomyth, I refused that call in the past.

not anymore. we are all hero's in our own journey, but the journey isn't the end point. I guess this is what me and my therapist said, get my sh** together, to answer the call. my journey is just begging, but it's not about me, I'm privileged in taking part of the journey and that's as far as my privilege goes, that I am able.

my therapist said, a long time ago "ya you (me) can think, but what about those who can't" that's the answer to the call, that is what it's about, that is what the journey is about, and that, is my path in this, going forward.

my lexicon has changed, and continues to the more I put psyche imprints on words and representations.

there is a sign in my therapist office, it reads "it you don't know what it is, you can still keep moving forward", I think, I just parced out what it is.

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