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Old 10-01-17, 01:13 AM
daveddd daveddd is offline
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Re: Substance abuse as a trigger for bi polarity?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joker_Girl View Post
I don't know about bipolar specifically, although I have thought before that some of my thoughts and behavior seem kind of that way, I have been told instead I suffer depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I do not think that is all, I do have a generalized feeling of mistrust of others often, and I think I have some little OCD things here and there.

But the big three for me are in this order 1) depression, 2) ADHD, and 3) anxiety. And my priority for treating them is in that order as well. I need medicated for the first 2 every day, and the antidepressant is the most crucial. Anxiety for me comes and goes.

I can tell you with 100% certainty EVERY time I've ABUSED alcohol or drugs, it's because I am feeling some inner turmoil and pain. I say abused because I'm capable of being a social drinker without problems, and could probably even use other drugs recreationally if I chose...AS LONG AS I'M MEDICATED. As long as I take meds to keep myself running along relatively smoothly, I WILL NOT abuse alcohol or drugs. Or at least, I haven't.

Unmedicated, I WILL try to numb myself with whatever I can get, although I prefer cocaine and speed. But I will take pills, drink, whatever. I will do whatever I can to alter my reality.

That's why I have to be careful, because I have a horrible self destructive thing inside of me, and when I don't take meds, I'm unwell, and I will suffer and seek to relieve it.

In my case, the pain of my mental illness ALWAYS comes first, and I try to relieve it through substance abuse. If no pain, I have no reason to get drunk or high.
Cocaine sure did numb that stuff. And while I battle with the term self medicating for me because I feel like it's me justifying it. Back in my coke days i was a sporadic binger and it definitely was driven by an episode
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