Thread: Hi Mom <3
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Old 04-05-18, 10:26 PM
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Re: Hi Mom <3

HI mom. I miss you.

A year ago you were up with dad in another city taking care of him at the hospital/recovery center after having his open heart surgery.
I was missing you both at the time .
Dad was pretty dang lucky to have you there with him. I don't think he'd have survived his surgery without you by his side.
I love you mom.

It's been bumpy here lately mom. Some pretty damn tough lows. I'm just trying to get by each day.
I'm moving slow mom. I have to pick myself up and start pushing through life on my own now. And I just don't want to! I want to go back to the comforts that you and dad gave me! Not having to worry about working or money, not having to worry about food, always having access to a car...and having people to be with! You and me just hanging out each day...or taking drives with some boys you and dad watched...or going up to the mountains to sit by a fire! Or going on day trips with dad and the boys...going to new towns just for the heck of it or something.

It's me now. And that's it. And I'm slow to catching on to that. That reality. It's never just been me. It was me...with my parents to fall back on. I was spoiled. Life was handed to me on a silver platter. I lived in this bubble.
I never learned how to be self-dependent. I never had to feel this amount of pressure money wise. I've never been so close to being homeless before.

I've been feeling real bad for myself mom. Some pretty tough pity parties going on in my head.
My thoughts have even started to dip into suicidal territory...though there's just too much in life still I love and that I want to experience. My flame is somehow sitll flickering. So those thoughts have just been brief.

I'll get there mom. I can't promise that...and I'm in a decent mood today...who knows where I'll be mentally tomorrow.
But right now...
I think I'll get there.
There's things I gotta figure out in life. Adjustments...ways to make things easier for me...to make me feel safer and more secure in life.
And I think they'll happen.
I'm just slow.
I miss you mom. You were always so okay with my slowness. I feel like people expect great things out of me...quickly. But I don't move quick. lol I never felt that pressure from you.

Ah well. I just wanted to say hi mom.
It was may last year. Oh I miss you mom.

I love you.
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(((((((MOM)))))))
I Miss You.

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