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Old 07-24-09, 02:16 PM
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Angry Just missed my !*#@ ADD appointment

I can't believe how upset I am... I missed my appointment I'd been waiting on for about three weeks. I was supposed to see a counselor who had experience dealing with ADD. Irony of ironies, I missed the f'ing appointment. I had SOMEHOW gotten it into my head that the appointment was at 2pm, when I had it written down in THREE DIFFERENT highly organized places that I should be there by 12:45. Three!

How do I do this to myself, over and over? I was just sitting here knitting, wasting time away, when I could have been at my damn appointment. Why didn't I just LOOK at my sched book- that's what the h*ll it's there for!!!!

I feel like I'm trying, I'm running and running, but only in circles. It simply just does not occur to me to do things such as check on time. I can want to, I can remind myself to, but sometimes I just don't, and I really feel I have no control over it. I've tried in vain to control my symptoms for years, I'm working to be better... that's why I know it's not just a willpower thing, because I've tried for so long, and I can't even succeed at things I enjoy doing. How I'd love to be unproductive just because I felt like it! How nice to have the bloody choice!

Sometimes I just want to stop all this. I just want to be normal, instead of frantic, foggy, absent-minded. I want to be there for people in my life, how can I do that if I'm like this?

Ok I'm going to end this rant before it spills over more... just really unhappy with myself right now...
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RX: Vyvanse 20mg (High EPA Fish Oil, Vit D)
DX: ADHD-PI at age 12, now mid-20's : Same sh*t, different age
Depression/Anxiety


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