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Old 11-07-18, 07:05 PM
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Jacksper Jacksper is offline
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Re: If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you

Having been gazing in this abyss for a while, I have learnt a lot and I have indeed grown stronger. But I also feel very sad, empty, stressed out, guilty, ashamed, overwhelmed and exhausted. The abyss did indeed look back at me, with it's deadly gaze.

But now it's time for a 2 week break. If I feel the need to explore anything from my past or any other hard stuff, fine, then I will sit down and do it. But I will encourage myself to make every day as fun and meaningful as it can be for the coming two weeks. Let's look for all the little things that make life worth living!

My therapist gave me no homework, she said it was not necessary in the process. I think she sees that I can use a break. I have written like 25000 words of reflection in the past week, and have been thinking about it almost constantly, with small breaks in between (mostly for working or doing exercise). I have taken a lot of positive steps forward and it's time to reap the benefits. Let's dive into the real, present world again, with less bagage, let's see what it's like. I want to enjoy exercising way too much, having fun and connecting with people, perhaps I get a girlfriend, playing guitar, finding enjoyment in my work again and slowly but surely organizing some parts of my life that are not too demanding.

After the two weeks, I will go back to exploring the dark corners of my soul. Hopefully with fresh energy and a stronger motivation - that there is not just darkness that I want to get rid of, but a beautiful light that I want to walk towards.
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