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Old 04-18-17, 12:22 PM
SecretlyaFish SecretlyaFish is offline
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Re: Before diagnose: My weird fantasy to explain what's wrong me

I think most people, or maybe most of us with ADHD have fantasies similar to that. Our minds are always so active sometimes we think about crazy things. My fantasies are often connected to feeling accepted, being popular, being known or admired etc. Being happy and confident, instead of the opposite. Sometimes they are contradictory to what I actually like or want though, for example, I'm a loner, I'd hate having 10-20-30 friends all wanting to do stuff and hang out, I'd lose my mind. I've got 5 or 6 good friends, and they understand sometimes I just wanna be alone.

But yeah, its silly but don't think its weird. I'll share a depressing fantasy that I've outgrown thankfully. When I was young in grade 6, I lost all my friends in the last days. All the people I'd grown up and they all seemed to hate me. In reality, it was a 2 or 3 people that actually disliked, and kids just being ****s and going along with it. I know that now, but it was extremely traumatic and basically made me into the loner I am now.

My fantasy was, imagining myself getting shot or stabbed or car accident etc, and people I liked or people I wanted to like me, crying and being upset I was gone. That's one of the only times I could cry and not feel weak. It was a messed up way of coping with pain that persisted even into my 20's. I felt I wasn't worth anything and was unlikable, so if they could cry for me, I could cry for me, you know?

Anyways, try to identify which ones are useful fantasies, which ones are reasonable, neither useful or bad, and especially identify bad ones and try to figure out why you have them and stop them. Its funny what we can come up with though in our ADHD minds. I was diagnosed as a little kid but stopped medication after a few years because it was quite severe on my appetite at lunch. I didn't take any ADHD medication again after a few weeks of dexadrin in grade 7, until a month or 2 ago.
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