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Old 06-27-05, 04:37 PM
OlDadd OlDadd is offline

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Originally Posted by farmgirl
Ian, thanks for a really thought-provoking article. This is something I'm really trying to work out for myself right now.

I'm new to these forums, a non-ADD partner of an ADD man.

Here's a question - I *get* the detaching thing (doesn't mean I don't struggle to do it!) but I'm wondering, what are some physical, practical measures folks have taken to detach. Like, one situation I'm thinking of is the checkbook, the finances...shared things in a shared household. For example, it might be much easier for me to be detached from overdraft fees in the checking account if my partner and I have separate checking accounts. I come from a cultural expectation that when you get married, your merge everything, and the thought of doing that with my man really frightens me, because there are possible outcomes that would make this whole detachment thing that much harder. So I try to imagine a different where there is much less merging. Is this making sense? Anyone have any practical suggestions?
I have to ditto FarmGirls question. I went to Al-Anon at the suggestion of some friends and family after my first marrige ended and learned detachment, etc. As a single father at the time, it helped me tremendously dealing with my daughter. But how do you deal with a partner or other family member who's irresponsible behavior is impacting your life negatively?

What if (in the case of a partner) you know in your heart that you never really loved this person, you're only with them because after a lifetime of building a negative self-image in a society that constantly reinforces the message that we "should" be loved to be of any value, you hooked up with the first person that seemed willing for fear of being alone?
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