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Old 11-30-19, 02:10 AM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
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Re: Please help me explain to my ADHD partner that this lifestyle is not acceptable

Originally Posted by Jpark45 View Post
My SO and I have been together roughly 10 years and we're in our mid 30's. He was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and GAD around 2 years ago and is medicated with an ssri and stimulant.

Since his diagnosis I've poured countless hours into researching the condition, making adjustments to our home and routines and just generally doing all that I can to understand and accommodate his mental health.

Our relationship has never been smooth sailing, primarily due to the toxic coping mechanisms of untreated ADHD for so many years, but we've made progress over time. Despite all of the hurdles he has always at least attempted to make adjustments for the better and I find that extremely admirable.

I think it is great that you and your partner are willing to consider things.

It takes time to understand.

When I spend my daytime employed by work that requires energy for "active attention", I often find my evening time spent doing things that involve "passive attention".

People who have AD(H)D have less capacity for "active attention".

"Passive attention" requires less energy than active attention.

In our cases, the lack of capacity is physical.

...passive attention, as in watching the television or playing video games...permits the mind to cruise on automatic without requiring the brain to expend effortful energy.

Active attention, the mind fully engaged and the brain performing work, is mustered only in special circumstances of high motivation.

Active attention is a capacity the ADD brain lacks whenever organized work must be done, or when attention needs to be directed toward something of low interest.
Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", P 14.

"When people are suffering mentally, they want to feel better—they want to stop having bad emotions and start having good emotions." (-Temple Grandin)
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