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Old 08-07-08, 11:27 PM
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Re: What's ASPD like?

I'm also interested in the interplay between social anxiety/avoidance and ASPD, if there is one.
If I am reading this right people with social anxiety and ASPD may both avoid socialization but for very different reasons. To the ASPD it is a chore that is done only if necessary to obtain a desired goal - there isn't fear though

With anxiety - socialization isn't necessarily unpleasant the anxiety caused by it is . . . some one with social anxiety will avoid socialization even if there is some huge benefit to the interaction

Wow I am in the middle - I am not anxious some socialization is a chore while some is pleasant - I do not necessarily have to be fulfilling a goal either but I often feel no connection to others a portion of me can't - it isn't there. Stressful situations are almost like watching ones self on TV.

I have a high degree of indifference but I can be empathetic - it is kin to MPD - multiple personality disorder in that my personality is fractured to a certain extent. Because I have been this way a long time I have learned how to make it appear as if it is all "together" {lack of a better term}

I have what is called depersonalization personality disorder - I am high functioning and it isn't detectable even in person It is actually more detectable here - it is this "split" that allows me to both debate passionately in a discussion and moderate it at the same time. It is as if meadd823 the moderator and meadd823 the member are two separate people sharing one brain - what makes me different than people with MPD is I have fluid conscious memory of my life events however I tend not to personalize memories or experiences I remember them as if they are happening to some one else. I often experience social situations in the same manner - hence my lack of actual emotional connection in many instances.

To socialize I position myself so that what is happening appears normal to those around me My husband isn't even aware of when it is happening and he knows about my personality disorder. To him I seem to handle social stressors extremely well, I don't get upset in circumstance where most would . . It is like having the ability to be empathic and indifferent at the same time. Because I have an easy going temperament by nature I experience a lot of indifference to social critique - I am accepting as a matter of personality

Although I enjoy some people immensity a vast majority of people I find to basically be a waste of my time and energy. Most people are all about them selves and only believe them selves to give a damn about others . . . a vast majority of folks I see as playing the human interaction game so I perceive most socialization as plastic reality{hence my disorder} .

What emotions I do feel are along the lines of mild irritation at many people's inability to "get it", most people don't want to but they are unable to see that they don't want to. In my reality of humanity isn't very interested in understanding any thing that will shatter their personal perception unless forced although many will pretend to understand only if it serves their purpose.

Most people are so busy promoting their own point if view they are not really interested in any one else's,so why bothering to give a damn.Most folks feel threatened by the idea that not every one lives in the same reality they do - which is why they are easily upset by an opposing points of view

Having two realities exist at the same time I believe makes me more able handle other peoples differences more easily. . . . .

I have seen no advantage to changing this "split" so I haven't. Not many people can see both sides of the coin at the same time. Indifference in temperament serves a very good purpose in that I tend not to take things personally however I am able to still be empathetic simentiounsly - it is confusing to explain. I experience depersonalization very differently than most because the differences in reality run concurrently - that isn't supposed to happen {oops} I was sent to some high flootin specialist for diagnosis. . . . .

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Last edited by meadd823; 08-08-08 at 12:43 AM.. Reason: this sucks to try and explain
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