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Old 12-25-17, 12:15 AM
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Curmudgeon Curmudgeon is offline
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"I love you, but I don't like you."

Have you ever had to deal with this sentiment from a significant other or have you felt this way yourself?

Tonight I called my wife out on how she seems to be easily irritated with ADHD quirks of mine that used to be of no real consequence and used to only elicit a chuckle or a joke from her. For the past year or so I've noticed that my wife has become increasingly less patient with me. I'm usually a pretty easygoing person when it comes to relationships. I don't worry much about the "little stuff", the minor irritants that come from being in a relationship with another imperfect human being.

But tonight I kinda had my fill of being the "easygoing" guy and I called out my wife in a sarcastic smart-arsed way. I did something that irritated her and she expressed frustration with it, and I responded with, "It must be tough being married to someone that you love, but that you don't like, eh?"

And she looked at me in a way that I knew she was totally serious and said, "You have no idea", as she walked away and went off to bed.

Right now I find myself alternating between thoughts of "Well, screw YOU then!" and "Oh wow, what kind of loser AM I?!?"

I've suspected that this situation was developing for a few years now. But it was only tonight that it finally came to a head and was brought out into the open.
....................

Honestly, I don't even know what I'm looking for here. I've shed some tears tonight wondering if I've wasted some of the best years of my life being married to the wrong person, or worse, having wasted another person's good years by being married to me.

I have no clue what to do now. I think tomorrow I'll go for a day hike and try to sort out my feelings and thoughts. Clearly things are not good.
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