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Old 12-24-11, 11:20 PM
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The ghost of Christmas Past

Two years ago at this time, my husband and I were exchanging gifts and getting ready to leave for California, after spending Christmas Day with his family.

Christmas Eve was always our private time. We would enjoy a Drambuie, exchange gifts, and celebrate the gift of one another.

Christmas 2009 was bittersweet. Two weeks prior, he had been in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism. We knew that it would probably be our last Christmas.

I think I got through last Christmas on auto-pilot. I honestly don't remember much.

I won't lie, today was a mofo. When I haven't been actively engaged in using every kleenex in three states, I have been fighting back tears. With my Dad's death in October this year, I find that I feel even more alone than ever. The anchors that I counted on and believed in are gone.

We're celebrating Christmas at my in-law's. I have all the stuff I'm supposed to bring in bags or the fridge, ready to go. I just can't figure out how to get my attitude ready.

I really don't want to bring everyone down. I just can't figure out how to bring myself UP. I need help... so I'm asking y'all.

I've already figured on an hour or two of sobbing. Hopefully that will help. What else can I do?

Oh! The restrictions are no booze, no medication outside of my current colorful assortment, no vitamins. In short, I have to do this using only my brain...


...wish me luck with all that!
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If it were your real life, you would have gotten better instructions.


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Do you really want to be a setting on the washing machine?
If you do, wouldn't you rather be the spin cycle?
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