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Old 09-05-17, 05:03 PM
Maxi King Maxi King is offline
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Re: The struggle of connection..

Originally Posted by Barbrady1 View Post
Writing as someone with autism and predominant ADHD, O can relate with you as it's extremely difficult for me to connect to others.

Is it normal not to hear anyone's voice inside of your head but that of your own?

I fear it's inevitable my girlfriend will dump me soon as I never remember anything she says. It's truly embarrassing.
I'm terribly sorry to hear that your struggles are causing so much interference with your relationship. I can relate as my condition has caused strife in past relationships, and it's a terrible feeling for both parties involved. To answer your question, yes it is quite normal. Every moment is an active thought process.

"Is my posture correct? I need to smile more.. Damn it, my last comment was lame.. What is their current impression of me? I should have more input. Now, maybe I currently sound too cocky.. I need to tone it back and ask more questions. I hope they don't think I'm an *******.."

The incessant chatter makes it quite difficult to really listen to what someone has to say, process the statement, formulate a response, and deliver it.. In my younger years it was rather easy to spew ******** whilst reliant on uninhibited impulse. Now, I have to consciously process and think, and socializing isn't natural for me anymore. Not that it really ever was as my impulsive nature may have gotten me laid on a Saturday night because I was "fun" and "spontaneous". But in general day to day affairs, I usually embarrassed myself more than contributing anything of value while engaged with my peers ..

Hence where the anxiety comes from. I sucked at making friends unmedicated. I suck at making friends on medication. After so many blunders, I'm terrified of further rejection. Boom... self-deprecating thoughts. I shoot myself in the foot with self doubt before I even try.

Inherently I feel as though I have split personalities. I'm an extroverted introvert.. On the very rare occasion I'm totally on point with a silver tongue, but it hasn't happened in a long time. And I've made heaps of progress making peace with the introverted me, but the extroverted side feels as though he has moved backward becoming extremely lonely.. and it sucks. Bad.
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