View Single Post
  #1  
Old 12-14-17, 10:31 AM
EG19682 EG19682 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 5
Thanks: 1
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
EG19682 is on a distinguished road
When you suddenly become the only single friend..?

Over the past year ive felt as if ive become slowly more and more isolated.
2 of my best friends got into very serious relationships really quickly and within a short time frame of eachother.

And while im happy for them, and fully understand and expect that things would naturally have to change when a close friend gets into a relationship as they will be spending a large portion of their time with this new person.

Ive slowly become more and more hurt/frustrated with the fact that ive essentially been pretty much ditched by both of them.. in kinda different ways.

Lets just call them friend 1 and friend 2..

So friend 1 pretty much from the week she met her boyfriend has just not made time for me..almost at all. And again ill be clear I dont expect things to be exactly the same but this seems a bit extreme.. like there have been stages of like 2 months where I dont see her.. used to see her almost every week at least. I dont expect every week but when it gets to not seeing someone for months it is a bit messed. I tried at first to maintain our friendship but kinda gave up after a while when it was clear she didnt care anyways.

And in typical fashion the only time I really have heard from her over the past 10+ months her and her boyfriend have been together is to:

- complain or vent about her fight with her boyfriend
- complain about something she cant complain to her boyfriend about
- or discuss her boyfriend in some fashion..

Then theres friend 2

I do still talk to this friend quite regularly BUT its legitimately only to council her through her never ending relationship drama.. and while at first I was happy to help its gotten to the stage where its very depressing and draining on me... all she ever talks about is her boyfriend.. never seems to ask or care how I am, and its almost like because I dont have a relationship nothing going on in my life is worth discussing...

Shes on a kind of specific schedule spending most nights of the week with her boyfriend.. and on the night or two a week shes not with him shes often just projecting her issues with him onto me so we end up talking about it for HOURS and the worst part is this happens like clockwork every week but its also so not productive.. she talks about the same issues almost everytime.. maybe just reworked slightly.. but then everytime she says something negative about him or the relationship and I simply say I understand where shes comming from or affirm what shes just explained she then almost argues back (even though i am only agreeing with what she says) and starts talking about all the great aspects of her relationship.. so then I affirm that and say well with all that greatness your bound to figure it out, try not to stress etc.. and then she goes back to doubt and all the 'terrible' parts of her relationship its literally like going around in circles and goes on for hours/days every week and its just really draining..

It feels like im just used as an emotional crutch/therapist on the day or 2 a week shes not with her boyfriend.. and then shes hanging out with him for 4 nights or so and I dont exist. And while I am trying to be a good friend because I feel like I dont really have many anymore its really hard. And im also just wasting time counselling her through her dramas for legit often 4+ hours in a single day. Its just not healthy for me to deal with anymore.. and has gotten to extreme neediness levels where she will call me at insane hours and wake me up to talk about whatever boyfriend drama is unfolding.. and as a point that illustrates just how pointless counselling her constantly about it is..

I recently had multiple calls and texts from her crazy early in the morning, I was asleep and while she woke me up I decided not to answer..checked in with her via text a few hours later and just what I expected boyfriend drama but it had already been resolved not even 6 hours later..? So if id answered the phone I would have spent legit hours talking to her about something that would have been resolved between her and her boyfriend before the end of the day.- Essentially wasting my time.

So basically neither of my friends really seem to care about me at all, they are to absorbed in their relationships.

And combine that with the fact that I also feel like both friend 1 & 2 kinda just pity me/look down on me because im single.. only at the start of the year the two of the, were in the exact same spot as me.. but now its like they think they are so superior because they have someone and I dont.. so that just makes the whole losing your 2 closest friends thing even better..



I know I just need new friends,
But I dont even know how to go about that..
ADHD has given me severe severe social anxiety.. and figuring out how to make friends in this day and age seems impossible particularly when it feels like my entire social circle is gone. Plus it just feels like everyone already has their own friends ..
Reply With Quote