View Single Post
  #9  
Old 01-15-18, 12:59 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 20,291
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,683
Thanked 30,778 Times in 14,154 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: proud to say we took her car away for awhile

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unmanagable View Post
When I was her age, regardless of the consequences or the act, if I got any feeling whatsoever that my parents felt joy in their punishing me, I'd be motivated to p*** them off even more every chance I got.

Up until the age of 16, my curfew was 10pm. After the age of 16, it was 11pm. I had better not be one minute late, or I was in big trouble, and if I tried to call to ask for more time, I was met with a very quick hell no. Grounding me was their usual method, but then there were also belts, belt buckles, threats of the juvenile detention center while they were packing my clothes for me, making me stay out with no access back into the house, etc.

I used to fall asleep at friend's houses A LOT and would forget to call, too. Sometimes it was because I was too f'd up from drugs and drinking that I was self-medicating with and knew I'd be in even bigger trouble if I called or made it home...or I just simply fell asleep because I was cozy and comfortable for a change...not something I often felt at home, unfortunately.

Grounding me never worked as an attempt to get me to change my overall behavior, only to get me to stop in the moments I HAD to be with them. It only served to make me much more creative in how I managed to still do what I wanted to do and more prone to do the exact opposite of what I was asked.

It also served to make me want to get the hell out of there as soon as I turned 18...which I did...by packing my belongings in a trash bag and hitting the road to couch surf everywhere humanly possible three days after my 18th born day...only to find myself in many years worth of yet another vicious cycle of poor choices and abusive scenarios.

Granted, I was being raised by parents who chose to blatantly ignore sexual abuse that was happening to both of their daughters at the hands of another and also physically abused us at times, all the while holding up their many masks of being "upstanding, reputable, respectful, and responsible community members" so therein may lie the significant difference in how your daughter responds vs. my direct experiences.

I also agree with not adding to your list of what needs to be done to accommodate your chosen punishments. You'll very likely feel resentment for having to do all that extra running and it'll show through in some form or fashion in your daily interactions with her, based on how I remember my mom treating us when she had to go out of her way for something after we got in trouble. She liked to throw salt in the wounds, to say the least.
That's horrible. I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such an environment. If I understand correctly though you are just narrating your experiences right? I mean Sarah's measures or punishment are not comparable to anything that you've mentioned at all..
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
aeon (01-15-18), stef (01-15-18)