ADD and Lack of Friendships

[sybil]

I consider myself to be rather odd at times. I am sure that sometimes I must come off as an oddball. It's just that I can feel and act very awkward around other people at times. Sorry, I am not trying to say that anyone with ADD is odd, except for me, that is.

I have no friends from childhood. Also, I have trouble keeping friends in general. Sometimes I wonder if my social skills are a bit lacking, too. But sometimes I think I am acting perfectly "normal" and being nice, but lose friends anyway.

I do tend to put the blame on myself. At least some of the time, it is probably me. When I don't have much in common with someone, I admit it is hard to be friends.

I was dumped by email once. Recently, someone unfriended me on facebook, too. It hurts, no doubt. It is not always easy to tell, and unless an explanation is given, I will forever be guessing. However, I did email the woman who unfriended me. I asked her why as we seemed to enjoy our chats. Hopefully she will reply.

[sarek]

I find it extremely difficult and in general more trouble than its worth to pursue friendships with people who are too far removed from me on the xNxP spectrum.

Apparently they are the majority of people so I have always had a very small number of carefully selected friends.
I have a strong feeling that this method has saved me from a lot of totally unnecessary drama.

[wiffy123]

my background and my ADHD make me more agressive so i have lots of pals but veary few tight friends, i dont put up with a lot of BS, there iant no drama not having lots of people but takes time and sometimes too much effort ye,well theres loads on here to chat too and most are propa.good luck.

[Fraser_0762]

I know how you feel. My supposidly best friend has done everything she possibley could to avoid me this year.

I haven't "hung out" with anyone since sometime last year and have just been more or less locked up in my room the whole time.

[tdsb12]

One issue I could raise for you to consider if how much effort you are making in these friendships? Are you helping to plan things (which I know is difficult for ADDers), are you showing appreciation if someone else plans things, are you talking about the other person and asking them questions about their life, are you coming across as "bored" when hanging out with these friends/potential friends?

My suggestion would be to find people that you do have things in common with. How about doing a class on something you enjoy, or going to Meetup groups on things you enjoy doing.

I am an Non-ADDer but trying to suggest possible things that may be getting in the way of developing or keeping friendships. I one time unfriended a girl on MSN that I was casual friends with because I felt like I was the one to always initiate conversation, ask her questions about her life, etc and I felt it wasn't reciprocated. After more than a year of that I removed her from my MSN list and she got ****** off. I explained why and she understood but was still a bit angry. We became e-mail friends instead with less contact but she started making more effort. I still hang out with her a few times a year and e-mail a bit more than that.

[Flory]

yeah its one of the most upsetting things..i have two close friends that can tolerate my odd quirks and understand me but i get kicked to the curb by everybody else because i can be a bit lairy (not in an aggressive way) but im quite wild and loud and silly.. i try ery hard to make friends and be polite but what has happened is that i am now initially very shy and awkward and almost afraid to speak incase people detect im nutty i spend a lot of time in my own company. but im getting to know some friends at taekwondo (which is excellent for my agression and frustration as i can really just let it all go in a controlled environment) but i find my life very lonely a lot of the time

[randoreds]

Kinda in the same boat. But I've just had a ride or die friend for life that has saved me from a lot of those events. If left to myself, I would probably become a friendless recluse. I do say don't email anyone if they unfriend you it just looks bad. I'm totally unable to keep other friends for any length of time. I'm getting drugs, I'm hoping ritalin because supposedly also helps a little with the social side of it. I also wonder if add gives you a higher rate of substance abuse ...

But I don't think its that uncommon for add and a lack of real friends.
But you still should try to get some

[TheChemicals]

Originally Posted by sybil

I consider myself to be rather odd at times. I am sure that sometimes I must come off as an oddball. It's just that I can feel and act very awkward around other people at times. Sorry, I am not trying to say that anyone with ADD is odd, except for me, that is.

I have no friends from childhood. Also, I have trouble keeping friends in general. Sometimes I wonder if my social skills are a bit lacking, too. But sometimes I think I am acting perfectly "normal" and being nice, but lose friends anyway.

I do tend to put the blame on myself. At least some of the time, it is probably me. When I don't have much in common with someone, I admit it is hard to be friends.

I was dumped by email once. Recently, someone unfriended me on facebook, too. It hurts, no doubt. It is not always easy to tell, and unless an explanation is given, I will forever be guessing. However, I did email the woman who unfriended me. I asked her why as we seemed to enjoy our chats. Hopefully she will reply.

do you think you do or say innapropriate things? Sometimes(most times for myself) whats normal to an add'r might be completely off for a regular person.

[Rebelyell]

OH IM totally off for a non adhd person,what sucks is I shouldnt or none of us should have to live a life of a shut in,solidarity and lonliness and pain and sadness because we are a little off.

[TryingTracy]

I haven't been able to keep any friends from school. I don't know why I can't keep just one good friend, it's not like I don't try. Once my youngest started school full time, I turned to my gaming friends thinking at least I could have an online friend :/
After a year of telling this person just about everything (and I thought she was doing the same), I find out she's put all my information out there on the gaming community all twisted around. Then the entire group absolutely hated me and wouldn't leave me alone.

It's really crappy not having a good friend.

[Rebelyell]

I wish you guys and gals lived closer.Idbe up every friday or saturday nite to go to the city ,hang out play pool,make an idiot of myself and have a good timeLOL

[TheChemicals]

Adhd people are very hard to get aong with and keep as friends. Best thing to do is find other adhd people to befriend. Ill be your bff brah.

[plank80]

I had friends back home but I live in a different part of the UK now and finding it hard to make new friends. I don't really know why, think people just don't understand me whereas the ones I grew up with know how to take me. I'm fussy about who I'm mates with as well, which probably doesn't help.

I don't have anyone here to go out to bars and stuff with, it's a bit s***.

[Rebelyell]

Oh hell yeah it sucks plank 80,im 37 I wanna party and cut loose and let it rip and there is no one to do so w drinking by ones self gets old fast very fast.

[Fraser_0762]

What I don't understand is how somebody can pretend to be your friend for so long, only so they can hurt you more in the long run.

People in general make me sick to my stomach.