feel violated and confused

[william tell]

Today my seperated wife called me and asked if I had ever loved her and I replied -yes before the marraige durring and even now ,you were the one that left me .she replyed that I was lying and told me what she had done -she is still the primary name on our comcast acct. 1)today she called comcast and changed the password on my email acct.2) and read all of my emails 3)saw the confirmation from this forum to william tell and came to this site and did an advanced search on that name and read all of my posts 4)read the confirmation from yahoo dating and went there and changed the pass word there ,remember she had access to my email -lost password button and read every post to any woman I emailed .she was upset and I was trying to sort all of this out in my head and I replied -you never noticed any vunerable posts or emails, this is because when I'm feeling very vunerable I can't talk or write about it ,so what you read was when I was feeling or acting strong and invunerable and was talking about me and my shortcomings and how I felt the -day- that I wrote them
I don't know why she was upset or why she did it -she left me
she said she thought that since she left perhaps I would feel bad that I lost such a great person in my life and I replied you have given me no indication that you were would even consider coming back ,I cried to you ,I sent you love letters through email ,I sent cards ,I sent flowers .It sounds like you want to punish me ,for me to see the error of my ways and now you are upset that I left no vunerable emails or posts
now I'm confused and cannot get into my email wtf

[mrsnurse1965]

WOW.... I am so sorry for what you are going through. From a woman perspective she sounds like she is being controling and hurtful. It sounds like on some level you still love her, and she was hopeing to be able to play on it. She sounds very immature, this is behavior that I would expect from my 14 year old daughter maybe.... not a grown woman. Hang in there, healing takes time.

[Johna]

Ok kiddo....first thing you need to do is get her name off your comcast account
Second: Go to all your email accounts and change your passwords. Or better yet, open up another email account and don't use the others that she has access too.

Your wife is playing a mean game. I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you. She's upset because you're going on with your life. Good Luck

[crime_scene]

The looking at personal mail is a desperate thing.

The changing of passwords is an aggressive and angry.

I would secure other areas where I was vulnerable: chiefly, credit cards, joint accounts and be sure to lock her out while you can.

A friend of mine had somet hin like this happen to him and she locked him out of joint account and spent a ton on his credit card.

[Johna]

Don't forget to get your car keys away from her.....I once moved my x's car...

[speedo]

In hacker terms... You got owned.

Avoid that woman with a passion. She has no love of anything but her own paranoia. Get out of the situation and get healthy and move on with your life as best you can.

Get a warrant ordering to stay away from you. If she pulls any crap like that again you can own her.

In the future, make sure your stuff is secure.

Me

Originally Posted by william tell

Today my seperated wife called me and asked if I had ever loved her and I replied -yes before the marraige durring and even now ,you were the one that left me .she replyed that I was lying and told me what she had done -she is still the primary name on our comcast acct. 1)today she called comcast and changed the password on my email acct.2) and read all of my emails 3)saw the confirmation from this forum to william tell and came to this site and did an advanced search on that name and read all of my posts 4)read the confirmation from yahoo dating and went there and changed the pass word there ,remember she had access to my email -lost password button and read every post to any woman I emailed .she was upset and I was trying to sort all of this out in my head and I replied -you never noticed any vunerable posts or emails, this is because when I'm feeling very vunerable I can't talk or write about it ,so what you read was when I was feeling or acting strong and invunerable and was talking about me and my shortcomings and how I felt the -day- that I wrote them
I don't know why she was upset or why she did it -she left me
she said she thought that since she left perhaps I would feel bad that I lost such a great person in my life and I replied you have given me no indication that you were would even consider coming back ,I cried to you ,I sent you love letters through email ,I sent cards ,I sent flowers .It sounds like you want to punish me ,for me to see the error of my ways and now you are upset that I left no vunerable emails or posts
now I'm confused and cannot get into my email wtf

[william tell]

she gave me my new pass word to my email -****head -as if i've done something wrong geesh

[FightingBoredom]

Originally Posted by william tell

she gave me my new pass word to my email -****head -as if i've done something wrong geesh

WT, she was most likely upset bc you didn't leave her any ammunition to hurt you with. If you had left some "vulnerabilities" she could push your buttons with them.
I've been married twice. I'm 13 years into my second marriage and have realized that my ex and current wife have one thing in common: verbal abuse. I give up all sorts of inner secrets only to find years later they remember every stinking detail and use that info to berate me at a time when I'm weakest.
I agree with the advice on this thread that you are better off taking some time alone. Take a LONG time.
If I was ever to get divorced from this marriage (which we've come close to at least once) I would NEVER marry again.
IMO marriage is just another "institution" created by the linear thinking population that is obviously a stupid idea.

Why else would there be a divorce rate greater than 50%?

I've left all sorts of vulnerable comments on this forum and others. Many of them are things that I fear sharing with my current wife for fear that she will use them at some later date to hurt or manipulate me.

[Foot-in-mouth]

Originally Posted by william tell

she gave me my new pass word to my email -****head -as if i've done something wrong geesh

ROFLMAO. I can hear it now: "Oh ****head, I love you now more than ever." Man, I think you need to move beyond her, she seems a bit off.

[boardtabitz]

when you sign up for any new email accounts dont use your real zip code or birthdate. anyone that knows you very well will still be able to get in otherwise.

[sLiPpY]

I'm not sure what to say, in that feelings for another individual can often defy logic...where there is love/anger and loneliness/tiredness.

There was a woman last year I was thinking about becoming engaged too. We dated for seven months, and then she moved in. Lasted six weeks maximum and it was a disaster. Discovered very quickly she was a financially irresponsible person. There came a day when she told me she'd done something to me that day, and wondered if I'd noticed it. This was after she'd clogged the garbage disposal, stopped up the lint screen on the washing machine, and "accidentally turned off" the gas ho****er heater. During this whole time frame, I never raised my voice once, and corrected the problems without grumbling.

I asked her what she'd done, and she just smiled and didn't say anything. So the very next morning, I packed her stuff while she was at work and left it on the lawn from wence she came.

I never looked back, or felt guilty... We have a right to set our own boundaries and comfort zones. She tried to get me to meet her for coffee a few times, and I'd quickly end the conversation. Letting her know that I didn't feel like hearing any of her drama, or being psychoanalysed for today.

[Ian]

That's got all the signs of being better off elsewhere. It will hurt like crazy for a while but some of the negative cycles will not have to be repeated if you can stick it out.

If you'd like a gmail account let me know. It's the best email service on the planet and it seems to be custom tailored to my ADHD brain! Look Mum, no folders and I can still find everything!
Good luck.

[OlDadd]

Very sorry, William.


Speaking as someone who has been through the divorce ringer and is in another none-to-happy marrige, hold off on the dating game and focus on yourself and who you want to be. We ADDers are impulsive and the excitement of a new relationship is doubly addictive to us. Unfortunately, we tend to attract the same thing, so don't be affraid to spend a long time alone. Better happy and alone than married and miserable.

[Ian]

I like what you've said OlDadd. It comes up frequently that I don't get what I want until I no longer need it.

Once I can stand comfortably in my own skin, I can have a fulfilling relationship, but prior to that I seemed to be a half looking for another, to make a whole.

I've seen this at work in peoples work. When one grows up beyond the need for accolades and promotion they often get dumped in ones lap.

My experience is a similar one. The shift must occur deeply in my heart. Once that happens, things just seem to flow. Taking affirmative action to learn about my shortcomings and practise in changing what I can about myself has paid big dividends. It's ugly work but worth every minute in accepting the challenge.

Right now the biggest dividend I experience is that I love my teenagers and can enjoy their company. Bet my Mum couldn't say that. Dad definitely couldn't!

[Johna]

Ian where were you six year ago when I needed to hear your advice? I was divorced for 7 months. Married a man who I meet your the net after knowing him for only 3 months. Why are Adders so impulsive?